The difference

 Is that during work hours the African watches tv or opens Facebook while the non African concentrates

The non African works hard and tries harder focuses while the African laughs and gargles waste of time

It annoys me how in the queue only the African stopped domineeringly more than his non African humans . It annoys me how they concentrate on the past like 

These people should apologise for all they’ve done to us ! And it’s never like - what’s done is done move on! 

These people have done nothing to you compared to what you’ve done to yourself ! 

I am African 

But I am not focused

And that angers me

It suddenly dawned on me that I am like my African peers 

Constantly untrying and constantly blaming 

If I don’t find anyone to blame, I blame myself

It’s deeply annoying that perfection should exist outside me

That turmoil has a space in me 

And the Africans are the same

Lost in history never making a future 

Like me 

(This is A very stereotypical piece of work ) please don’t let it offend you ) it is meant as a piece of personal work to reflect on my own disadvantaged actions based on narrow observations . Clearly there are African who are superb ) I aspire to be one of those 

Rubbish bag closet

 You would do the same to a pressing guest

Unlike the royals with 775 rooms

It’s only the spaces of the hall chairs to which you have no ownership

Stay in the rubbish bag if you will

At least it was clean

You’re lucky you stay here

I know I am 

I’m not saying otherwise

Clean clothes too 

It just doesn’t matter

What I find out of way I throw away

Space is limited

You are not invited

But you have forced your way through 

Look but don’t use 

Put but not here

…

Clean rubbish bags is where my life is 

Missed calls

 Mama nagat 

I used to miss your calls

And then you came into my dream one day

Angry with me 

For missing my prayer

Even after death 

You cared

About me

And suddenly today 

I miss you a lot

I can see the resemblance 

Between you and I 

I am more like you in many things

And becoming less like her in other things

I am a mess

But one thing is for sure

I am lonely as hell 

Just like you used to be

… from me

It really is

You reap what you sow

…

The lonely chicken

 The lonely chicken 

Sitting in the dark so tasty yet so alone

It doesn’t fit in 

Made by a person who doesn’t fit in living its life in the house of another

Not eaten 

Not good enough 

Never will be

The lonely chicken 

Not just forgotten but not cared about

They’re not responsible

So it cries alone on the kitchen table after all has been said and done

It could rot there no one would care

Except me

Lonely chicken 

Was tasty 

But only we know

Lonely chicken 

Like me 

Living in a hard place

The price you pay Isiah much higher than you can give 

Lonely chicken 

Coming to life in a place of uncertainty 

What it has to offer is just not desirable 

Just not important

Just not good enough to think about

Lonely chicken 

Just like me 

All alone

Sitting in the dark 

After all has been said and done 

Lonely chicken 

Just like me 

….

No place to fit in 

No place to be given 

Has to force its way through 

Otherwise

It will sleep on the kitchen table

paralysed

 in times on need i am paralysed

all confidence gone

replaced by quiet anger ive never felt before

and also this scared ultimatum

sure its just cant be done 

although ive never thought like this before

its exhausting

the same feeling before studying for the exam and then failing

the truth is im afraid to try anymore

im so afraid

there i said it

unbearable

the waste of time

the lack of energy the missing opportunities

all because im just too afraid

to try

who am i to succeed

and then deep down i am also angry

all this unknown

but who am i angry at?

me them him ?

i just dont know

all of them 

but how does it matter

it just layers on me even more 

sitting here 

i know i dont belong here

or do i

i just dont know

and this time

is it my time ?

i so want it to be

but trust me i am just not doing enough

although i could be

it angers me so much though

that its really 3 when ive been tricked into thinking its 6

it angers me

i cant process it

like i have no right to ask to think about it

like ive been mocked 

like ive been tricked

and trust me

i have been tricked

all of this 

work work work

and then suddenly its all so easy the time is free

it angers me 

and i just cant process it

so how do i reply

i punish myself

i let it not happen

i let myself down

when i should really pick myself up 

let it cry feel hurt

feel pain 

feel tricked

but hold myself with the cheeks and gently hold myself to will

until it all passes

then tell myself

youre stronger than t his

youre better than this

you deserve to fight for your cause

and some people will help you, others will no matter what put themselves first and then there is just no more i am sorry

dont ever forget that

so what difference is it from what i dont like 

i dont know really

its like living within walls of electrocuted gardens

everything is beautiful and yet...

dont get close

deal with what you get

but i cant seem to deal

im only shuffling

asking wondering breaking being haunted by 

this is just too much

am i really who i say i am

am i really who i can be

am i really the one to win and not be defeated

at least by myself

currently its 

23456323423-0

high number is the wolf in me 

the one that is growling howling with pain

with unanswered questions

with turmoil

with this feeling of get on with it 

and yet i just cant

i just cant process 

but then i think 

i dont want to be the one who cant do

i dont want to be the one who says and lies

i dont want to be the one who just isnt promising

but i am so far behind

each day i am pushed even more back

but no one is doing this pushing but me

instead of giving life however i am suffocating it all 

all my challenges wins tries events everything 

just breaking it between my fingers like..... making pastry

tasteless

right now its all tasteless