Saturday, February 13, 2021

Pieces of me 19- a hopeful twist

The 5 year title 2026 – A hopeful twist 

A lovely person, with a great attitude. Having a great job, truly fulfilled but also being a dedicated mother and wife. A writer. A cook. A traveller. A collector of beautiful things. A supporter not a leader for my family. A person they can count on and that they can love. I want to find health and wealth first in my mind and then in heart followed by money. I wish no drama. I wish actually the mundane, the normal. A life of no drama with simplicity is lovely. The mundanity of excellence. Yes. I wish lots of books. Lots of magazines. Lots of podcasts and hot coffee. And of course mint tea. Going with my family to ramadans in Egypt and then the madina and then hajj. Musalsals. Being a tv fan, a shahid fan, a now fan, a Netflix fan. Having good eyes only. Ramadan in Khartoum with my lovely family. Maybe a new house, maybe not. But wherever I am I want to be never complacent. Never in turmoil and never out of love. Most importantly I want my husband. Who I love very very much and desire to have forever. I find lust and trust in him. I find honesty and calm. I find love and happiness. I find a deep connection. I find friendship and joy. I find connections that meet like jigsaws. I find understanding. He is like a book of breath to me. One that I need and strive to have. Because of him, I try. Because of my family, I live. Because of me, I wake up.  


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -