just numbers 2

 but it tells the truth

100 makes me angry because it means so much more. 

you dont care how much i try and your responsibilities are not hte same

and now theres 2400 at least knowing it cant be makes it easier

i worry grab right and left and when it comes you dont give me

makes me sick to my ..... capabilities

i feel... lonely more than anyone will ever know

you know a hard skill is stopping your tears from falling in front of your family

and then theres jsut 1300? was it 

the choices are made

not mine to make

like who works with me and who doesnt

like days i work and days i dont

like things i say and things i dont 

like a small thnakyou that does mean something at least amidst the i dont know 60 something 

and now theres bulks coming

and the clouds ruined it

 thanking me when its meaningless hurts

not helping truly and honestly hurts

depending on the wrong

hurts

and im using a lot of words to expand on my crimes

i hate myself for showing i hate myself for 

being who i am....

lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely

my fingers learn like the numbers on my card

4.... something something something something something something something something something seomthing

do you have cash? no i dont 

not today

.....maybe another day

before i cant

smile and laugh through the eclipse itried

people using me i know 

people thanking me for waht 

spending money?

at least i tried

aNd now its time

to drive on

the pain and the working in circles

heat of an iron nearby

thats it 

its good though

just numbers....

 Ya Allah here i pray sometimes least of all i nay

70 + i hope i never have to dissolve my memories never

but i am on the precipice of falling or walking i just dont know are u angry or ok with all the images that betray

or maybe genralise into existence  this isnt normal and i am different

500+ its mine or it isnt

i am wandering alone and strong

ya allah always the case never wrong

ya allah i ask for defiance and light amidst the storms

for i have none i am worn

ya allah i ask for memory that works not sins that turmoil

neck/head sore suddenly i am alone lets look at numbers nearly 60 waiting for a million or 2... or 3

where the hard work though 120, 130, 900, 1200, numbers number make all sense to me but you

- minus today , repay tomorrow? 

dont know 

430, 203 or is it 230 i cant remember and then 79 without order i chase the rays

of my tiredness

and i have no because to be mad 

for at least i am not alone 

writing good or bad 

ugly or messy keeps me ..... 

but hang on i am not a writer

just a visual interpretor

or visual dreamer

or elegant evil doer

dunno

but not a writer

maybe good imaginer

i wish

....

i am always in the positive and in credt