They say

Being rejected is the same feeling a physical pain 

Never mind by your own one 

And after a big try 

Here is me thinking I did well 

When I didn’t 

48/60 in fact

Cheapest of the earth results

I couldn’t even pass the easy stuff 

Like making her like me 

The preference is real

The pain is also 

Here I am with a real deficit 

Being unliked

Being in comforting

 Having to resort 

It’s sad when I’m this pathetic

… everyone thinks I’m just a disappointed idiot 

When I’m not 

I’m really a smart fool 

One is afraid 

Feelings raw feelings unworthy

Feelings broken

Shattered by the hammer of further torment 

Ridicule is a sharp misery

And here it is

Breaking the soul

No matter what I do 

I’ll never get there

Let me tell you

That in Islam god says if you kill one person then You have killed the whole of humanity and if you saved one person then you have saved the whole of humanity 

The Quran 

I have never felt that more in my heart than in the killing of an innocent girl going exercising and so much more was her life. 

Her death made me feel drawn to fear love anger suffering torment grief anguish loss and destruction 

Two hands did all of this 

Bring nightmare bring numbness bring an emptiness over everyone here

Far and near

Two hands wearing black the blackness over his cells and his heart left beating is unimaginable contradiction 

I think to myself while she left us and left all the things beautiful he also left his life behind on that bank 

That was the last time he rode a bicycle and the last time he will walk or run down that walkway 

That walkway of freedom 

Isn’t that a big price to pay 

As for that woman capturing my feelings my heart I can only pray in my own faith but joint as a woman that she is in heaven that she is happy that she lives in memory in that sun ray and crisp 4pm afternoon wind or even in times of rain in those clean pearls of water or even if it become windy the strong winds of strength or even when it’s hot that she lives in the melting of   Time helping everyone get to terms with this pain 

There are many last times 

Let me tell you about

The pain I felt for a young woman murdered while running

So much pain I could barely breathe

My fingers constantly searching for news

I never knew this girl but my heart feels tremored as if I did

My tears fall thinking about small agonies that make it all the worse

What was she thinking of that last happy

That was last her

What was the last thing she bought

What song was on if there any

Before the devil came along

I feel horrific pain 

As a woman as daughter as a mother as a wife

It doesn’t matter what culture we are from or what colour we are

What matters is the whiteness or blackness in our hearts

Last Wednesday black met white and I was invade with sorrow 

All the way down here so different and so far 

But yet so close in pain 

I pray in my own way

To stop searching for the answer