Sunday, January 30, 2022

They say

Being rejected is the same feeling a physical pain 
Never mind by your own one 
And after a big try 
Here is me thinking I did well 
When I didn’t 
48/60 in fact
Cheapest of the earth results
I couldn’t even pass the easy stuff 
Like making her like me 
The preference is real
The pain is also 
Here I am with a real deficit 
Being unliked
Being in comforting
 Having to resort 
It’s sad when I’m this pathetic

… everyone thinks I’m just a disappointed idiot 
When I’m not 
I’m really a smart fool 
One is afraid 
Feelings raw feelings unworthy
Feelings broken
Shattered by the hammer of further torment 
Ridicule is a sharp misery
And here it is
Breaking the soul
No matter what I do 
I’ll never get there

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -