Pandemic times of me 3_ personal pain

Take it or leave it 

its here with you - something that you cannot let go of

something that you cannot exchange with anything

you have to feel it

you have to understand it

you have to listen to it

you have to want to heal

otherwise its pointless - 

go to episode 1 and forget 

when you're ready come back

if you cant sit with the pain

with the anger

with the hatred

with the feelings you have of you

then just go

if you cant imagine anything else

if you dont want to reconstruct

f you dont want to ask questions and hear the answers

then just go

dont play around

dont pretend and definitely dont lie to yourself

you either support yourself

or you dont

theres no middle ground here

yes ill be good sometime and i wont be the next

but let me tell you

its takes one step

and then the next

listen to yourself

listen

listen to your man

listen to your real findings

not the fake ones

and be patient

be present in your pain

your personal pain

pandemic times of me 2

Dont love something that is bad for you

and Dont hate something that is good for you

because you fall apart and get lost in the cracks

you become painted with misery and find no light to find you

you source the love but also the pain

and the pain is addictive and hard to get rid of

you spend the time like its drug money

you need more constantly

you start to lie

you start to hide

you start to forget 

you start to sit empty in the dark 

you start to lose

your life essentially

you lose meaning

its silly

but its real

and although its tremendous what a good story can do

its more tremendous what a  sick heart can feel and what a tricked mind can do

choking in dreams

those are the true handcuffs

that is the real punishment

not loving yourself 

not loving yourself enough

not loving yourself at all

not wanting yourself

not caring about yourself

not looking at yourself

not being there for yourself

Pandemic times of me

Aaahh what better way than to drive solace and need in a human than get back to the first ever constituents of life

silence


patience


time


This time.. where theres enough time to hear the wind blowing and the leaves swaying
is a time that will never be found again
if you want think of it like a time of desperation where out of the unknown there is one thing for sure


Time can not get cancelled
so use it wisely and happily

Remember - you are what you believe - and you are the conclusion of your efforts and your thoughts
you cannot be two
you cannot pretend
you cannot expand without truth

so be truthful with yourself
who are you really ?


A mother of two?
A smart woman?
An energetic human?
A lost soul?