Memoirs of a Sudanese Breath: August 2023

Wednesday, August 9, 2023

Some people

If only they knew they are the lowest of the lowest

Their cheap perfume gives me a headache and implementation of life makes for an annoying ride

Their voice too loud for nothing and they use damaging tactics . For their family for their kids for their lives

Lowest of the lowest

It scares me

Bewilders me

It’s hard being good

It’s exhausting and yet

I try

Lowest of the lowest

Cheap clothes

Cheap thoughts

Maybe so maybe not

I don’t know the whole story I say

But I do know this

I do try

But I also worry

It’s all wrong

The worry

Making me sick

Making me old

But allah has never failed me

Even when I fail him he helps me

It’s sad really

That I live ….

With worry

I try not let it seep out of me but sometimes it’s just gushes

Until I annoy others

Then I worry some more

Then I eat

I think that’s the pattern and yet

All good that’s happened it’s just beyond explanation

Beyond words

And yet I’m wondering how do people do this

How do people think like this

How do people imagine they have a life or not

Lowest of the lowest

And then the other crowd

It’s tv for them

I hope things work out

We all have our faults

We all have our pains

We all have our strengths

We all have our weaknesses

We all have our anguishes

We all have our regrets

We all have our hopes

We all then set out to deliver

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -