Thursday, January 20, 2022

Let me tell you about

The pain I felt for a young woman murdered while running
So much pain I could barely breathe
My fingers constantly searching for news
I never knew this girl but my heart feels tremored as if I did
My tears fall thinking about small agonies that make it all the worse
What was she thinking of that last happy
That was last her
What was the last thing she bought
What song was on if there any
Before the devil came along
I feel horrific pain 
As a woman as daughter as a mother as a wife
It doesn’t matter what culture we are from or what colour we are
What matters is the whiteness or blackness in our hearts
Last Wednesday black met white and I was invade with sorrow 
All the way down here so different and so far 
But yet so close in pain 
I pray in my own way
To stop searching for the answer

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -