Thursday, December 30, 2021

You have to have

Half woman half man
There is just no other way to conceive
You can find ways to hide find ways to make believe
But that is the truth 
And it’s just funny so so funny
That that’s the way it is 
Photocopies gone similiar into the truth and yet so far
Life is so strange 
But stranger is how people make it to be
How life is so different
So wrong
And yet seen as so right
It’s Interesting how right then becomes wrong
And everything is in double
Like the squint in my daughters eye
How horrible I am to her 
A tree is her tree and no matter what it’s perfect 
But I don’t see it that way
I see she didn’t try but that’s probably a lie
As she did but it was hard for her age and then I got caught with an unmuted unmute 
 It god knows who I am 
This ridicule woman
Trying to think big when I’m so small 
And trying to be nice when I’m really not
Being sad looking at things wrong
But I would help them if they needed help 
But it makes me wonder why both stand taking the role of each other 
What’s my role 
What’s my status 
What are intentions
Am I really who I say I am 
Akeed no


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -