Tuesday, December 14, 2021

A full parking space with an empty heart

The window fills with my breath , the adrenaline beats just like exam time which I failed and failed again when I tried to make what was empty seem full
I feel pathetic not driven
For every reaction there is a solution 
Even if I win at things I still fail at my weakness of being weak 
People cannot fix what I do not have 
People cannot make better what I do not know 
People cannot change their minds about me 
But I can change my mind about the past
Even if the past was yesterday 
Being angry doesn’t work
Being hopeful with the wrong methods doesn’t work
You have left battlefields open 
 Living the lowest best as they said
Didn’t you ask for that now 
Failure is torment at what could have been and didn’t become however 
Failure doesn’t have to be wrong 

To be continued 

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -