Monday, February 8, 2021

Pieces of me 4... the lost picture

Let me take you through a journey
From all the away across the seas in front of a camera in the middle of a faraway land
I stood and smiled 
Alone at the time but maybe not quite
For little miracles where happening and the picture stood still
Of my face
Little did I know what that picture would mean 
The meaning of the end of something that has happened and no more is it happening now
And then the picture flew back with me and went to others moving into them and their hearts
And their phones too
Meaning a lot and being there for Avery long time
Until one day
The picture got lost and was erased
By the future 
For no picture can stand such turmoil
No happy smile can stand such sorrow
No shiny but simple necklace can be beautiful purchased from Khartoum worn in San Antonio  taken around in the pockets everywhere and finally thrown to the rubbish of bitterness

It deletes itself 
Shadows away like those pictures they put of dead people and they right the years of living and dying
That is what that picture stands for
When I took it
Living and dying 


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -