Thursday, March 12, 2009

Diva Independence


Independence blows me away with responsibility and time
I feel interrogated by my mind to control my senses, my events and my eyes like never before
My language speaks like I am a new me
Becoming what I was given to be
Full of strength and Faith
I feel surrounded by my magnitude of tries
Suddenly I have power to be EXACTLY who I want to be
No more cries

This Independence is both scary and easy
Peaceful and Warlike
A Very limited confession between truth and lies
A careful structure between identity and loss in time
I feel like I am EXTREMELY capable of taking care of myself
But honestly
Loneliness is a sore arm
Being alone... Is hard
Like being in your own company
No.... terminology of warmth in someone elses comfort

Independence is fragile
Easily broken and tremendously treasurable
Please God help me stay .... better than what independance brings
Trusting Yourself -

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -