Memoirs of a Sudanese Breath: Day off 2

Saturday, September 12, 2026

Day off 2

Ill annoy you with my music

But ur like chocolate

So can i have some chocolate taste today ?

Silence

Hey can i sit with you?

Sure

What u doing

Work

The deadline

Yes

Going well

Silence with stare

Shut the fuck up or leave me alone

So i choose the first

Watching a movie

But then it becomes too little for my loneleiness

So i have to go

And my speakers are on

At 39 im pretty pathetic

I dont have company

I cant conversate

I dont have anyone who understands me

I dont have a friend

And for sure i have people who love me

So the equation is incorrect u see

No one can see why im thinking like this

Its like being guilty when when ur not

Its like asking for medicine when ur not sick

Who would give it?

Its like being humgry all the time

All the

God damn

Time

Its like being washed and never feeling clean

Its like wanting soemthing u know u will never have

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -