Thursday, December 1, 2022

The last and the first

 The excitement hits me and I fall 

I’m so excited I can’t breathe

So worried I can’t think 

So hoping I can’t move

So anticipating I can’t sit still

The calendar moves and yet I freeze

Suddenly my worry frightens me 

Like my daughters little heart 

Or my sons 

Or my… 

I can’t even think or write

Days are coming 

I wish upon stars galaxies 

And simply and importantly God 

please ya allah help me

Make me strong and make me willing 

I thank you for what you have given

And I am greedy for more


I don’t know why my fingers still

My eyes just stare at a computer my writing skills seem to fade

When I need everything the most

And I most grateful 

I am tired

Sweating

That last lap now 

It’s a long and short at the same time 

Sweet but sour

Happy yet scary

So so scary

But I fit the job 

Ya allah help me through it all 



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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -