Memoirs of a Sudanese Breath: Dream on … and what really is disappointment ?

Sunday, December 4, 2022

Dream on … and what really is disappointment ?

A belief in you that is false!

I feel so so sorry for myself

I’m so many things

But mostly that I actually had hope

And strangely still do

Which angers me

At myself

Hope is my name and Pisces emotions run deep

It’s hard to burn it away when it’s the oceans that rule

My tears fall

You frightened my heart she said

I just want to hug her

See her through

I worry so much she is beautiful

My beautiful eman

And I’m so scared I’ll fail

Just like others have failed Me

But I had a good one

I still do

I have been supported

I feel sad

Really be careful what you wish for

A happy birthday all glamour

And yet deep down it just sucks

I am all alone

Bad I ask allah

To help me

To see me through

To have mercy on me

And to help me finish my projects which the door is so hard and heavy to close

Ya allah help me

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -