Monday, December 12, 2022

Taking out the rubbish

 Here in this freezing weather and start of a previous week 

I take out the rubbish 

It’s hard

Two big black bags one heavy one light

It’s freezing 

It’s eerie

It’s hard

My back hurts

But I won’t give in 

I don’t have all I want but I do have all I need

I can’t move others to move with me

But I can move myself

I can’t make others feel my pain 

But I can throw my pain out in the heavy black bag

Here in this week 

My only thoughts are with god

Only allah can get me through 

So ya ran help me

I will focus with you

Let me be a winner ya rab 

And let me choose the right choices

Mainly 

Never to stop 

What I want in life doesn’t exist so I must create it 


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -