Monday, October 3, 2022

Lost my touch

 My boy 

My self

My words

What’s right what’s wrong

What I deserve what I don’t

Who I am who I’m not

How strong I am how strong I need to be how strong I should be

 How worried 

How moving forwards how moving back

How helpful

You know it’s really upsetting when you do or say something and it’s taken the wrong way 

But then again I was told I was spoilt 

Am I ?

Or is it will powered

How great I am 

How bad I am 

It’s sad hiding

It’s sad calculating

Am I the one to blame

Or is it others

Am I the one to fear

Or am I to fear

Am I the one to solve or do I tangle

Am I the one to try or is there no point

It is really worthless

You know

Who you are right now 

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -