In all angles I am just a horrible mother
I wouldn’t want to have me as a mother so why should they
Their beautiful eyes deserve more
Their beautiful faces and light
I roughly gave out within half hour of them getting up
The disappointment
Is it what? What could lead me to be like this
Be like this because it’s done to me
So they will be horrible people too is it ?
I feel like I’ve truly lost control
Not caring
Not giving
Not thinking
Being so angry I just can’t move
Being so annoyed I just can’t breathe
Being so worried I’m not even worried anymore
Being so uncalm
So trepidated
In turmoil
Making myself unhappy
Letting others make me unhappy
Thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking
About nothing
Watching the news
Constantly and constantly and constantly and constantly and constantly and constantly and constantly and constantly
It’s asif I’m trying to find something else to shudder pain on
Forget mine let’s think of all the mess out there
Mine is just too hard to clean up
I am suffering
But only my own doing
And now
On this Monday it’s a summary how I’ve become everything everything I never ever wanted to be
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