Wednesday, February 1, 2012

perfect disaster

its 1.33 am
its bad to stay up they say
ive lost my control in sleep pattern
a night breeder like an owl
eyes wide awake in the middle of the night
instead I
think of dangerous love and its boundaries
there are none
I think of two people that should not be interested in each other and yet when they do the world tilts
as their power is too heavy for the world to obey and not move
I think of desire that melts corners and changes them into circles
I dream about ecstasy that magnifies beyond prediction into a world lost in time
a world that only is merely sensible around 1.35 am and I wake to visit its extremities
and tragedies of broken beautiful love

i cry and tear and sing a song
my heart is weeping
my soul is burning
my mind is yearning for the combination of a sunset extravaganza and the oceans attention
I whisper

I never want this to end

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -