Monday, June 15, 2009

Cannot


No, you cannot do that
In a canvas of fallen leaves, arms of shooting petals and a falling parade of words
You cannot look at me
You cannot somewhere amongst the conventional passion of a sunset tell me you need me
You cannot show me how much you care in the silence so alive on a quiet country path full of historic lust, twisted brambles of fate and growing corners into tomorrow that beg for your new touch
You cannot here right now push me against sweet walls of amber and tell me how courageously you will fight for me
You cannot in a Tuscany summer strawberry breakfast come smell my scent to wake alive in the morning, glowing in the morning
You cannot fall asleep in my arms where a moon over looks the world
Anywhere
You cannot embark on trying to watch that moon distil its flavour on a lake side terrace of imagination – where fisher man lie their sailing swifts scattered on distinctive air of connection
Somewhere small and untransformed easily, somewhere difficult to reach by normal methods of loving
The water stills with joy at watching us fascinated by how we fit into each other
The perfect scenery
Blending with the midnight voucher we offer to pay the picture of ….. African fallacy
You cannot be my fantasy or be a part of my dreams
You cannot be a side of my order of romance or life
I cannot be…worth it

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -