Strangely small

I feel sad, I feel so sad, lost within a bewilderment that should be easy to understand
Confused and tearful about my imagination, my personalisation of life ... so wrong
Sorry and weak because of my shadows
They follow me every where
Everyone has a pattern, a circumference of well being and strength
I do not know what embraces me, what focuses my time
I want to fantasise it’s you
I really do
But how can it be
When you ....do not know me
I do not know me
And trusting someone like that is ... without signature
It is unfair/ non profitable for you to sign – I understand that
I have lost a battle I have been fighting for, for so long
I wanted to win it for you, I always do
But when I look at other lovers romances
I am ... strangely small

_________________
The secret of dishonesty is the chance to lose so many things
All for the sake of feeling
I ruin time, effort, minds and all I find
I ruin heaven and sweet earth
The meanings of well being shattered moment’s broken lies
They are all lies
I lie to me and them and me and them
I lie to my heart and body
AND tone
I lie to me