Saturday, December 13, 2008

Echoes in my mind_ (The Prize)


So as I decide on my life and future dreams , what I want to do where I want to go – I realise all the mistakes I’ve done in the past were crucial understandings and even though they might have destroyed me in effort, embarrassment and wrong deeds I still imagine that they might just have a cent of good – towards the new investigations and experiments that design the intervals between my past, present and amazing future – I sit upright and wonder about time wasted, moments tasted of anxiety and stubbornness to be bold – but then the inspiration approves itself that I am a coincidence of brilliance and hope – I am hope – I love God – I love to please God and to make Islam proud – I love making my family proud – it is one of the best feelings in the world – just as receiving a prize is the best in the world – And so as I ponder upon all my achievements that can be magical and wonderful to a limit that is so large and grand – I realise that I need to forget the hindering effects of any negativities and understatements and begin to step on and master the vast picture of magnificence and dedication to God firstly , myself secondly and to my family thirdly.

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -