Wednesday, December 3, 2008

(Echoes in my mind)_ The Presidential Flower


I must stop and find
I need to rewind
All the processes of my mind
Thoughts compatible with my kind
Instead of being always allergic and blind
With despair and construction of desires
I need to discover
Love in me before dreaming of another
Before wishing upon fallings stars through glass of shattered fantasies
Calmness –
I hope for silence of dreams to take away the blasphemies
And bring me pearls of stolen entities that once were jewels
Of me – By me – With me – For me – In me –
Where did all my strength go?
Where did all my power blow?
How did I lose my faith in my beauty and knowledge?
When did I change into this horrid message?

I must go upon the thin chances and think of heavy memories
That once flew me away peacefully on a sky of remedies
A sea of sanctuaries
Moments of promises that I thought would last forever and wake me through the necessities of life

Things are changing and days are flaming with passions and pain
People are understanding but also misguiding and I need radars that stain
All lies and problematic voices
I open a shallow umbrella under the rain
Where coldness of emotions penetrates to my veins
Deep in my heart I pray that the pain – washes through the drains
Of my asking God for forgiveness and happiness
Strength and elegance
To be a Muslim women full of energetic existenceTo live life with beauty, hope and be - The presidential flower

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -