Thursday, December 25, 2008

In my arms_ 5 days to go... (The Countdown)


I feel exhilarated as trails of thought begin to form. So many things I can achieve, so many dreams I can make them all come real. I feel the air begin to collect into a meaning and suddenly my breaths are for a reason...my heart beats faster and a gush of true blood inspires my aspirations... I want to win. I can do anything I desire, deal with any nomadic problems and make them disintegrate as part of the whole project... The prize project. I realise that I need Gods love and approval... he who doesn’t have ‘Deen’ will never be seen. And my objective is to be seen and heard and felt... I realise that this is not an easy task; to gain God’s true love and be worth his while... but then people don’t become important for doing nothing... I realise that I have to make a choice between the right choice, wrong choice and the easy choice. My mind is dazzling with images of the future.Italic.. days of hard work are yet to be ... but as this year comes to a close and a new year begins to unlock its doors open ...I realise that this is the chance to begin life again... It is a door that I must open fully... break the chains... Never look back...
2009 represents for me... A new me... A wonderful me... one that even I have never seen before...6 days. Until 2009...it is in my arms to begin now. In my arms to change this day into TODAY.

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -