Friday, September 14, 2007

Echoes in my mind - (Fake)

I stare in the mirror and I don't know who I am - Eyes with a dark soul grab me from within, choking my identity - Losing my heart to you was all wrong - and now I've been serving a crime of clashed hopes and fears. The mirror does not lie - My weakness cries out to my odd reflection and begs for help - Believing in you was a mistake - It left me fake - Withering heartbeat in response to an emergency call fading out to the suburbs of love - driving in the other direction and I cannot be saved- Withering ....Fading....Dying - My emotions for you have died - Petals floating in the wind of a communication with the summer angels in the sky... I think I cannot get by but the swivel of remnant future air escapes in me and soon rushes peace in the darkness of my deserted pain.... In the land of blinding cold rain, Soon, I raise my face to the blackness in that Sky of Life and know there is a new Sunrise - a continuation of the Dream... Due... For sure -
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -