Saturday, April 18, 2009

I have nothing more to say


I have to find a way
I have nothing more to say
I am killing myself everyday
Doing what I do in this untamely spray
Of disobedience to the body
I know it must be in agony
somewhere crying for me to STOP

I have to find a way
I am silent cold and grey
About the lost colours that I no longer array
For it is hidden behind gross confinement of a vast mishap
Unoticed


Never noticed


Never understood


I told myself that I would


I know that I should


I thought that I could


But I misunderstood

I have nothing more to say
I have lost my personal fray
By betraying what I had to display
As ones courage, involvment in life by commitment
I put down my swords and opened to punishment

I have nothing more to say
I am angry and I pray
That I can fix my terrible portray
Of a broken soul

I have nothing more to say
Except embarrassment and sick...ness
In the deepness of my embedded burning out energy
I have nothing more to say
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -