Monday, April 13, 2009

Samihni Ya Rab


Samihni Ya Rab

Forgive me and all that I come with

I know it is up to you

To help me, to save me , to protect me

and I take that for granted, so much

Samihni Ya Rab

I am sorry, for I have sinned

in the dark, in the corners of my hidden agendas

but nothing can be hidden from you

and I am very silly not to appreciate that thought

deep inside I know when i do a mistake

you are watching

you are wondering

why is it I have not shown all the beautiful love I should show

you are dissapointed so badly

yet because you are most forgiving

most anxious to forgive

I pray,I beg, I cry

for your forgiveness

Samihni Ya Rab

I want to start again always

you never betray

yet I let you down

you never give up

yet I give up

I am sorry for looking like this

feeling this, feeling that

Samihni Ya Rab

Samihni Ya Rab

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -