what is it - that U cannot forgive... ever

I thought about it

the first thing on my mind was betrayal

if ur lover or best relative or someone close betrays you

lies to you

but then after thinking i realised

betrayal is in our lives all the time - sometimes we dont think and it happens

we forgive and we dont think

things small we let go off

and when we think about it

they always say -

if u cannot forgive somebody for doing some thing bad to you

then you have not forgiven yourself

people hold on to tears and fears from other people when truly the pain is from themselves

I know its hard to forgive

but its a teaching method

its a form of happiness

forgiving someone - letting go of the anger

trying to forget the pain

and before you know it

you have forgiven

so really the one thing I cannot forgive is not being able to forgive!

prayer of love

I feel like a million love stories intertwined into a single moment of despair

anxiously my mind lingers on trust and deception of sweet imitations of a lovers hope

I want to dive in the swimming coolness of his love

someone somwhere breathing the interception of my affair

I read my mind - wishing upon wanting a dream of destiny and purity

I wonder how u draw someones eyes - spotting all the brown and dark combined

it's the streets of Khartoum downtown as the sunset fallss on the deepness of the still kisses of the nile

I wonder will I meet him hanging in the bitter cracks of fate - climbing the future of his home

or in the raining parks of 1st class city - amongst the flowers dripping with beauty and power - yet silent with foreign affairs and merging the undergroung of harmony - as I need to go to find him - waiting in of the many stations of ... prayer - a prayer taken and I gratitude his power forever

too many love stories

one still powerful enough for me to find

when I am powerful to stand

when I am understood and understand

the battle of my family

and my faith

conceptions i concieve every moment to grow in side me

until it is time

Only regret, regret

Never regret things you do anymore
Only regret something that u are supposed to do and are not doing
i.e only regret the future if you do not conquer


Never regret the way you look
that is gods gift and time
Only regret the way your soul looks if you do not look back at it
and test it
control it
and love it at the same time


Never regret calls you make or weaknesses of kindness
only regret the type of weakness that is from a devil
the type that makes you sleep and feel all wrong


only regret that you can be stronger
so be stronger
only regret that you can be faster
so be faster
only regret that you can be hope
and so hope for the better, for the best
for the everlasting

Faithful mending_ Help me & Don't break me

I ask you god to help me and not break me

For without you secrets would secretise inside me and flow

flow irreversible within my veins

until my system is damaged and savaged with broken thoughts

and imaginative disasters if irreparable despair

I try to cry but no more

no more will i succumb to the illiterate pain of a devils belonging, like a virus only being able to gather on the energy of others, cannot regenerate without the life of someone else

So I have asked and am determined that you rid me of the devils contamination,

Dear God, I beg you look after me and listen to me for I will not beg and pray and plead

for anyone but you, I will not cry for anyone but you

I will not tear for anything but your words

I Will only pearl for the fantasies of heaven and paradise driveways, shrubs, trees and gardens of my dreams -

I will get strong

I will not let someone close or far, dear or near - take my faithful faith, my drawing patterns of beauty

my new lines of power

my new offerings of peace

within my soul, heart and mind

So I ask you to help me and not break me

Priority Dreams

What are my Priority Dreams???

Right now, I have two dreams

To learn Quran - The pieces I knew and forgot due to carelessness in my life, and to continue learning new pieces continously

To lose weight and have the body I imagine - To have power over my image, I - Only

The time given is the least amount of time, working as hard as possible but not being unreasonable and never stopping - not letting anyone affect or detiorate me anymore -

God - God is my only Love and devotion and I am in pure existence with his word- I am living to dream for his message only blessed by the magnificent gift he entailed upon me - Faith

re- form

Reform the necessary

into extra - ordinary

a life becomes a glory

if u look at things from different views and angulated patience

strength is not wicked but can be clicked into the timings of dissappearance

everything turmoil will be a memory

Substituting the dramatic efficacy of pain

no longer I strain

to think true and real and intentionalised with attitude, For I love God and I have not been dedicated

destruction to perfection lies underneath the undergrounds of sin

and sin erupts like volcanoes angry

blowing ashes -

across the world

and the stars

darken and the galaxies get smaller

of the ones I used to see

filled with the inflation of my dreams and fantasis

I am no longer in recession

I am no longer lost

I know exactly what I want

so reform to beautiful places

and new bodies wil come

learn the meanings and the words

and you have power to control

even your deepest horrors

transform the weak soul

to one.....

It's Simple

Its simple.... I do not know what every kind of love is.. I am yet to find out

Whether it is here or in another place

I am yet to find out

I do not know how it feels like to be loved by someone

Its simple

God has not written those things for me yet

and until then... I am free... I am free

A few days or even hours ago I could cry

I could make wrong with the world and everyone in it

I would be sad and lonely

and now

now...

even after words that could hurt

or ideas that could make me turn

I feel strong

I feel calm

I feel

inspired

to only Love God

For yes...

That is the one love i know

the onle love I truly can feel and have

and to have it returned

is

a life changing day

For life is simple when you Love God

and everything is correct

I want to be like this

continously

free

I feel like my soul has been released

from prison or from hell

I feel like my mind is cleansed

with wellbeing

and nourishement with Gods words

I feel like I understand

why I am here

what I want to do

and most importantly

....

reach out to my dreams and catch them

for time

is never stopping

and I have stopped for long enough

my clock has stopped for a queit time with no ticking or heartbeat

....