not even sure

 im not even sure why im upset 

because i thought i had it all?

because i thought i knew abot love?

because i trusted my capabilities in making a man love me 

with his deep heart

because i realised thats a lie

because ive been away from allah 

so badly

because im big?

because im busy 

because im trying 

because im not really sexy

i try but im just not

because i thought i knew about sexy things and people

because i thought i was smart and fun and kind and is it because im mad and upset because my fate is not in my hands

am i upset because my son has autism?

or am i upset because im afraid of how he will be inschool

am i upset that dad is sick or am i upset that i am not a business owner at least not in the successful wayh

im successful working for others

am i upset that i feel so alone

at leaste mama nagat had allah 

maybe thats why she turned to well to him>?

secrets eh

am i upset that i have no way out of this mess

thats for sure

am i upset that words are meaningless 

and the cinema at night time is always with couples

am i upset that my life has turned out to be more sudnaese than it is irish?

am i upset that i didnt complete that exam?

am i upset that betrayal is in the cards for me

am i upset that i am worthless and evil came and has stayed and will stay

am i upset that im not even sure about my name anymore

am i upset that i am alone now

or am i upset that im going to die poor because the day i stop it will all be over

.....

not even sure which one