its up to you

will we give it a try?

one last eenie beetsie weenie try

one thats worth a fight 

and worth some fun

and worth some sun

in the heart of the one you lvoe the most

youself

shall we try for the very very last time?

to break free?

 

Before you worry, pray

I dont listen before I act
I react so much earlier before I think
I always spend without even knowing how much I earn
I am the worst criticiser of others and myself never giving a seconds chance to wait
I never forgive before I pray or after I pray or anything
I always quit well before I try


if I listened before i acted I Would be quieter and wiser
if i thought before I reacted i would be at peace with myself
if I earned and saved i would have afoundation for the future
if i waited before i criticised I would be kinder and I would feel clean from the bottom of my heart
if i forgave myself and others before i prayed then my prayer would have meaning and my life would be lighter
if i tried and never quit then everything i dreamt of would come true

Gold or Dust?

 

Imagine if you had the keys to open your mind 

and portal through extravagant  flavours of everything

you could ever imagine just be anyone you want to be

imagine if you could breathe the air to make you healthy

and live every cell understanding why youre here 

and living for a pure and honest reason

to lvoe God and to make him happy

imagine if goals were simple and truth was wonderful

imagine if you could honour your body and obey your freedom

be who you want 

imagine if you never had to think about regrets or guilt or wasted time

time would lying on the floor from your energetic battle , you the sword in your hand

not 

the 

other 

way 

round

imagine if all your time was like Gold

each second u used wisely turned to gold

each one you wasted 

turned to dust?

how much Gold or dust would you have?

 

Drawings into me 1 to 21

I dont have a lot to say except all that I am about to say is new
yesterday it took me forever to stop feeling the excess beats of my heart
i wondered was I always like this or is my heart just beating really fast?
why is my heart so worried??

I think
I am better than anything in no way selfish or proud

I think my head is clear and my hands are unsensitised
i think my faith is challenging and not being challenged

I think I am thinking again i am orange....never before bright with new colours of my own life and nobody elses

I think  I am going to become a new orange souffle
well risen, tasty, sweet and most importantly hard to get right but when done is gorgeous!!

Tomorrow

Tomorrow

There is a new Queen to be born

I feel like all my jewels have been stolen

I feel like all my nice things have been taken

now

I am just pure and raw

beating with the a broken heart, a tired heart,

but

Tomorrow

There is a new mend in place

it will take place

Tomorrow

Because Tomorrow is  the new arabic year

different, unique, forgotten, but amazingly important

1433 years ago, my beautiful religion started


its never betrayed me , its never parted with me

but I
I chose to break my relationship in return breaking me
I chose to cut it out in return cutting me

but I
sit here today, the lost the losing the loser
I dont walk further ,
I dont wake
I dont ......
Or I am eating my heartbeat away


Tomorrow because I am so tired I am going to try
I am going to cry for another thing, for other things
for new things
I am going to stop because Tomorrow
a new day is here

that no one knows about
that no one cares about

but I Do
my new year
my new start

and it starts with forgiveness.........

Take me for who I am

There's...., no point in being sadThere's ...., no reason in being mad
if you lose control
then YOU will fall
and it's like drug addiction
you become addicted & addicted
until from your own life you get evicted
and you are homeless from your dreams
you haven o light to beam
There's....., no benefit in asking questions
about all the wrong and obvious sections
YOU get upset
for your love will never be met
by what you see
no instead he
will hurt you
and break you
and shake you....down
even though it shouldnt be like that
that you can take your heart out of your chest and see how in pain it is
it shouldnt be like that
that your chest aches from someone elses secrets
that you have to hold other peoples secrets andt hey dont even know this
its the opposite of bliss
its the devils kiss
to know things that collide with all your simplicity and make you.....complicated
so within that complication I  try and be able  t o find communication

A try of hope

I’m sorry god for all the pain, when I take your name in vain
When I take for granted the kindness that you’ve given me
I feel so ashamed that I couldn’t be
Someone you could ever be proud of –

Feeling that you are angry shatters me to the core
I break within me knowing I should be more
A believer, a giver before a taker, a patient dreamer
Someone who isn’t a cheater – to the expedition of Islam

You give me all the right signs, but I insist to take the road misleading
Like a fool walking
Not knowing now where is the true way
Desiring I could find it and stay

Letting your sunrise prayers begin me
Your afternoon prayers consist me
Your late afternoons continue me
Your sunset prayer cleaning me
And your night prayer fulfilling me

Your words are the gold expensive material for the heart
Like diamonds where I cannot part, with their crisp wake to my imagination
As each letter was sent to beautify and complete this world
Encircling one promise forever told

Beads turning with the fingertips of my love
I wish that they could be strong enough to reach the one above
I beg within me they collect to design me into a girl with a dress of forgiveness
Subhan Allah, Alhamdulillah (thank you), Allahu Akbar (God, the greatest)
Please God don’t give me a face of blackness

I’m sorry for all I do wrong
I’m sorry for the bad memories I’ve hung
For all the days I wasn’t pure enough to be a Muslim
Radiating your energy into falseness so dim

Sometimes I wish I could change back time
And believe in the rhyme
‘God is watching.
Act like you know’
All my actions are like a show
And you are the honest grader – seeing how I flow

I wish I could impress you and make you be proud of me
But my film is losing as you see
As I lose my identity – to me
As I gain nothing but misery

And then I pause as floods of your hope expose me
To remembering that you are the nearest to me
And you are the forgiver so I can be – a new chance to save me
Clean again for you to see
And if I ask for your help, Inshallah you will give it to me

and old story always new

I need to fill in the blanks
So I can cross the planks
I forget what I wanted and how much I needed it
I'm back to square minus 1
even though I need to get to circle 30

Lying somewhere in the galaxy
It's such a long journey
Of motivation to proceeed through the pain
And something pulls me back
My demons that I pack

To take with me in my heavy luggage
I forget my dreams, my romance, my desires
Filled with aspirations and spirals
Here love never retires
But here tears inspire ... me to continue

Lacerations of a family so wounded
I imagine better days not scorned
Stronger days not torn
Pieces that come together and stick forever

I imagine a family with happier perfusions
Not this torn infusion
Of a sentimental lie
What is it that I want,
How is it that I achieve

I need to excersise my emotions like a muscle
Train them to be thinner
Make them feed less on reality and fantasy
Let them do sit ups to firm up so everything feels beautiful and light

I need to train myself to change, to re- arrange
The corners of my time to make circles
The roads must meet yet trains of thought must never collide
Because I need to reach my destination
Ride through all the deprivations
Roll through smooth imaginations

I must remember my promises so I dont turn into someone that I lied to
I must keep them flash in the dark and have a fire in them so they spark
To show me the way - How I pray
I must remember my promises - otherwise I will dissappear into a lie
I will be written with invisible dye
That no-one will memorise

I will forget who I am -
I will rain on my shadows till I become one dimensional
I will hurt myself and not save myself
I need to be infatuated with my soul
I need to be in Love with my heart
I need to be connected with my eyes
I need to be determined to survive
I need to keep my promises alive

reminiscing forgiveness

God I have so much to say

From an empty place

from a broken heart

I have so much to give

and live

for

God I have so much to say

and pray

I know sometimes I do all wrong

and I am not strong

but if I do not return

If I do not understand

that I am losing the good part in me

then I am a dissapointment to the skies

as I looked I felt failure and distortion of mind

I felt weakenss

and mad embarassment

like ive never felt before

and i thought

is this how everyhtings been feeling

how they look down and see me

so angry

for nothing

so mean

for nothing

so intimidating

for nothing

Memories to Reform

My memories rain down on me
from this open sky of misery
pearls of pain puncture my skin
As I absorb my memories and cry deep from within
My eyes keep betraying my secrets
And my tears spill the story of what I've felt
All the hurtful memories that melt into my name
Poetry place in the middle of my dreams
Singing words to the hum of despair
Trying to fix my wounds so I can repair
The Rips and bruises in my mind
Then maybe I'd be able to find
Peace of mind and a resting conscience
I know it starts from within
The courage to Love
Yourself and the one above
I keep breaking apart
Like its poor quality glue - that got sent to my heart
Tired spells slowly depart
Silences of soul, wounds in spirit
Waiting for a lost credit
Reform
Take away the shadows of the doubt
My ancestor of torment suddenly split from my name
Giving me the best broken treasure I would ever regain
understanding moments and moment of time
through a sea of regalis, monarchy and true crime
Essential reform spearing the light

If the Colours of the Sunrise ran into me

The sunrise comes into the sky

Red of blood and orange of lust, like silk magnetic passion it blends into the makings of a romance - A time of connection between the Rising and the Darkness that has ceased. Between memories and forgetting time - The bleed of colours takes out emotions and creates a loss of sensation - it is so strong that all I can think about are the melody and symphony of the atmospheric paint, so soaked in richness and deepness it is very close to dripping onto my heart - If it did , it would be like the swift imagination of something I've never felt before - the space of true freedom and the moment of existence - If the colours ran into me - I would be a product of nature - a way of Life - If the colours ran into me I would be differently unique - my fingertips would not give in easily as they are coated with the strength of beauty - my eyes would see things for their true nature - I would see beyond the invisible, past the pain -

If the colours ran through me - my body would sink into the air and weld into the metal of building personality - I would know every particle of me as the colours speak to my sub conscience my self speaking words would demand existence as each becomes alive with a colour

Red for passion for God

Blue for peace and eternity

Orange for Lust for Life

Purple for Royalty of mind

And Black for the end of Pain

As the New day appears slowly everything takes its pplace quickly - I would become a palace of co ordination and a pathway to determination and gardens of prosperity would decorate my path.

If the colours of the sunrise ran into me