The golden secret

no longer a secret>?
but wait

for me a spray of this golden liquid is a poweful transclucency into the mesmerising past
a past drowned like the titanic , thousands of miles down in the years of time and yet its very delicious name brings meaning back as if it all just happened  today...
but
there is no going back , no making it all alive again, no living it all again
there is only the waft of remembering , the peace of existing in my own memory through a spray
of the 5 number to history - I am portaled into an existence that opens up my pores and makes me linger to become a queen... a Sudanese Queen
only I know that magical secret
only I know its the key to a beautiful dream - as glorious as  the sensational titanic
the way in the movie the sun pours throught the blackness and the pine wood of deck chairs and sun doors gleams exploding with freshenss and magnificence
noone knows this bottle is the golden secret that opens the sundoors to my grandmothers veranda
wardrobes locking treasures , kitchen cupboards holding english earl grey with rose drawn teacups and sterling silver, imported only to her evening tea tray , jam eaten with scrambled egg... a divine intervention, cadburys cocoa transported to my grandmothers freezer - unique brown royal to Sudan, fresh homemade custard, glistening yellow waiting for dessert at 2pm maybe with jelly, maybe with cream - and Chanel no 5 - always the last thing from a Heathrow airport - a bottle of chanel no 5
her perfume of life, of love, of elegance,and of knowledge that there is a better world - a sweeter world , an elegant world, a magical world, a world of bliss, and calm, a world of meaning, and submergence in all that is Good.
so it is a secret
the spray of a chanel no 5 - a powerful secret only I know about
the golden liquid the link between I and my grandmother... another secret in my heart

(waiting to be beautiful, elegant, intoxicating, and secretive)... to be continued

I really like this skirt

I really like this skirt

I want to be ....POW

I want to be an unique extra ordinary woman

As soon as you notice any unhelpful or negative thought, ask:

What actions are likely to follow from this thought?
Is that what you want? If not...
What do you really want?
What can you say to yourself that's more likely to get you what you want?
 

Change the whole of me 2

A woman of dreams, glowing around a saphire heart, wishing upon a star in a sky for God to see and hear I dream my faith never dissappears, I ask to be like a golden ring or a ruby stone deep and red and attractively bright with youth , with strength with confidence with time with good faith not the kind that gets tarnished no I want to be like gold and ruby forever my colour lingers. I do not want negativities I want to be aligned like the time is with the day or the years are with the months or the sun is with the day, I look at a new me that needs attention blissful recreation and adjusting to fit easily with the right thing, for I realise I have been squashing myself in and even cutting the right thing to make it fit...and then pretending it was ok. Look at the way the dress fals perfectly I see lanterns though and smell  fragrances of sweet alien in a house full of fresh roses and pink and white dellicatessen or maybe ...talcon powder and egyptian sweets, the sugar glistening in a warm kitchen left still in time as life ponders elsewhere in happinness and dreams coming true . energetic yet soft, calming yet exciting, healthy and healthy. Change the whole of me forwards, like a floating galaxy travelling distances to a new astronomical decision that is to change the fate of matters and love, forever.

A new paragraph 3

A Dream to be Original and Yet Subtly Similiar to Magic, A Dream to be unimaginably soft and meaningful strong and yet filled with the sunset aroma of fresh night, A Dream that may or may not come real but may come true , If you just believe A Dream of a girl who wants to fight and win who wants to have this as her prize, Who wants to share it with the one but who want the one _ God to be the only one to give it to her - Love

Today is too new

new day
new way
never again a broken day
even if fallen
even if mistaken
new age
new page
new station
as part of the forgiven nation
even if wrong sensation
new life
the right wife
in the right time
new stop
for new go
new accelrator
after a newpause
new cause
new chance
never a past glance
new steady
even if not ready
will be ready
and it will not be heavy


life
 

new paragraph 2

unable to wake at5 and see the view
and taste the air
i fall aslep in the damned of weakness
and yet i insist to make myself a new paragraph
to write a new paragraph
for happinness can be rewritten
and can always be created
through the heart and soulful mind
i think to myself i wish i was sitting in that picture
wonderign about lifeand love drama and sense , what i really want and what i really need
how far away am i and how near am i
how beautiful am i and how strong am i
and can it all be healed
i think
who would be with me
that is left unanswered but i know
i know
that it wil lbe someone who also wants to
rewrite happinnes
and who feels amzing when with me
and who wants to be with me
and who loves me
drastically unchanged
and yet similarly different
I listen to a radio station miles and miles away to feel close
the world is strange
and i feel even stranger
bbut i am happy
and i promise myself that i will write my paragraph
opening middle and end
 that way i want to write
the words that i want to use
the style i want it to be in

 

new paragraph 1

I have a lot to say
in private
in dreams
in magical repair
I have a lot to give
in song
in words
in tune in harmony
i have a lot i want to offer
i want to start
a new paragraph
a new page
a new life
with you

with you
i want to do it all
love and fantasy
with you

motive believe

motive

change

motive

delete

motive

become

motive

trust

motive

believe

motive

believe

motive

believe

Today is too dry 2

Free

I just want to feel free

I want to look free

I want to be i control of my freedom

 i want to dance life the way I want

I want to wake when I need

sleep when I can't

run when I slow

smile when I breathe

Free

I just want to be free

I want my body to look free

I want my mind to be released

from its cage

I want to wear black like white

and white like black

I want my colours to run

into freedom

Free

I just want to walk free

free from the devils 

free from a blocked fat soul

free from a naked mind

free from a broken body

free from useless words

free from everything that I hate within me

and I just want to be free

from the past

the future

the present

I want to be free from the itchy feeling

of distaste

lack of memory

lack of courage

I want to be free

when i dance in life

rather than spill in life

and die in life

undanced

Today is too straight 1

I want to bend my life into existence

Stretch it out of boredom

dance the world away

I want to become a different creature

an interesting kind

I want to become 

something else

I want to change rapidly

I want to change dramatically

I want to feel differently

I want to draw circles around the x's

I want to turn and miss the bad spots

I want to glide and reach the good part within me

I want to look beautiful

not because i look but because I feel

beautiful

The fashion...The set_ POW

I want to become... The Fashion... The Set