Thursday, November 23, 2023

The last time with a friend that was so kind

The last time  Is always something surreal. Most times we forget , we don’t think of it or we don’t even realise but there is always a last time 

For everything. 

I realised the last time I saw a friend instructor supporter such a kind man was just less than 10 days before his death

He was well and fit then but neither of us knew his time was so critically low. But he listened to me and advised me and cared. He talked to me in a way probably I’ll never find again. 

I didn’t know then that was the last time I would ever see him 

And that was the last time standing in front of the gym and cafe flowers a relatively cold November day 

The 9th to be exact 

At 12pm to be exact 

Until 1 ish be exact 

And then the time just blew up into the air 

It was finished 

For us

But his support for me was undeniable . I could not have finished my deepest and heaviest work without him. I could not finish my challenges . Some of which are not done yet. His support was unwavering 

He always had faith in me 

He always cared

He always cared 

He bought me coffee

We sat down and we discussed women in leadership . He said 

I can see your eyes light up when you talk about your app. 

He was kind 


There was a last time when he left or when he got on a plane or when he got to an airport or when he ate or drank something in a coffee shop at an airport or when he texted or when he emailed . 

Always a last time 

For me his last text was 10.23 sat the 11th Nov. Or a last email 

November 13th at 3.41pm 

Last times can be recorded but they can never be organised 

They just happen 

Or a last paper his name might be on or a last page of a book he might have been reading he sent me or a zoom just for my challenges or the final meet 


Goodbye you heard of Sudan and now you have gone just like Sudan . Memories 

It’s all memories 

But I pray I won’t forget 

You were so kind . So kind . 




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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -