Saturday, November 5, 2022

The resentment boils me

Inside like a never clicking off kettle

I feel so much anger

So much annoyance

So much unfairness

I know it’s rotting me 

I know it’s changing me

Everyone has it so light

And I 

Have heaviness 

The humming drives me mad

Absolutely mad 

And I simply can’t do anything about it 

I want to scream 

Literally scream

And I do 

The phones anger me

Everything angers me 


Fridays  at 2-5 as well and soon the whole week

And soon it just won’t matter about my 

Sssssssss needs my time everything makes me so so so angry 

Cuz I’m just a jealous bitch of course

Any such feelings puts me into being evil or

Simply

My choice

I am angry

I am sad

I am annoyed

I am lonely

I am scared


I am stressed

I am so so 


Unhappy


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -