Its interestring that the last post written just before this one is about my mother
and here i am again writing about her
since i am a mother too
albeit a broken one
jigswas of love combine to form anger
in the form of love
our worstparts become all our parts
our worst parts become unhidden, seen
our worst parts hurt us and form us into another realm of anger, disgust, madness, being unreasonable and simply in pain
this is the first time i feel a lot of pain from myself and from my mother
physical pain not just mental
and although i said im sorry there is a lingering of anguish inside me
is this really who we are
its all just pretend then
and then there is my daughter
who i treat worst than my mother treats me
and i wonder what i expect from her then
except what she sees now
i feel angered with noone but myself
but i also ask why yesterday?
is it really my fault, her fault, my daughters fault?
or is it someone elses
that will always remain a secret but our actions wont
i ask myself
is this the pain people feel before they do and do and do
i feel sick i feel like noone understands me
i think i am kind but am i?
i think i am good but am i?
i think i am smart but am i?
i think i am great but am i?
i think i am a human being but am i?
it saddens me
how in this world people hurt each other
those who know each other , and those who dont