Saturday, May 28, 2022

I feel so angry

 At her at me 

At the produces of us

Anger sustains our nourishment

Peace is unstill 

We are broken stuck together only by genetics

There is no answer

There is no coming together 

It’s all disdain 

It’s all sharpness the ones that hurt

It’s all misunderstanding

It’s all being faraway 

All being in unparalleled lines

Yesterday I really felt like kebabs 

So I did them 

I thought it would be fun 

But kebabs don’t go with fish and it was all terrible

I hated how she was deliberate not to put them out 

They’re done by me of course so poison 

And then he asked about them she HAD to put them out 

I had to buy a bag 

Who cares

I had to shout 

I had to apologise

I just don’t care

Or do I 

Badness goes around  

I started it 

So I guess I get what I deserve

Or do I 

I feel sorry for myself

I have to deal with a lot

Or do I 

Maybe it’s the other way around

I guess they’re at the age where their branches are twig and break

And mine are still bendable

Or are they 

All I know is 

We don’t get on more than we do 

We don’t get on 

We 

Don’t 

Get 

On 

Worse

If I just fight back half a once 

I get the spitfire of dragons poured over me


Things that shouldn’t be evil

Are

I feel like I’m tired more than I have energy 

And I’m angry and sad more than I’m happy

Best

Over 

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -