Sunday, January 18, 2015

a mundane nightmare 1

here I am at 27 feeling never like 27
yesterday a massive crash somewhere near our use
everyday mundane things suddenl become a nightmare
in day
I
am
afraid
although there is noone but God to be afraid of
and yet
its accumalating
things only I should control others want to control
they havea point but i wont let them
never
this is my fight

dreams or views?
atn ight
I dont know
I wont let it get to me
maybe i saw hope not
they say robbers are around
she saw one and didnt even think of it
I
am afraid
things arnt turning out like i planned
suddenly something so mundane
becomes an ordeal

Ya Allah help me
for I have noone but you


 
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -