Wednesday, March 7, 2012

ALL

i think you're a liar
and it hurts me to think that you're a liar
so much so the pin goes riht through me like
a lightning stike

I want to depain myself
so ilook at love
i look at pure love
noconditions
and i want to melt forever in the harmoney of that beauty
each time I stop
I want to die
my tears cannot be controlled
my mind cannot be harmonised with life

 i think you're a decieving liar
I feel it in my heart
I feel it so much
it makes all my fingers bleed and my eyes water and my soul linger in the broken void i have
its so big
i canont fill it
i have tried

but its so big
this huge big voide inside me
filled with your lies
i cannot fill it

and yet all this pain
buds a loving seed
and yet all this sorroww comes a simple affection
that makes me regret the first part of this poem
that makes me hate my eyes and my soul and my heart


I think I am just being tricked around
a bit by you
a bit my soul
a bit my heart
and a combination of me

lost
angry
hurt
confused
trapped

If eel trapped in my body
i feel so sad that i feel like this
i feel so guilty that i turned out like this

....a part of me is afraid im going to be punished
i feel so wicked
i feel so bad

i feel like i have been driven to this ending road left there
with no way to return


i miss the good in me
i miss me
i miss who I am
i miss who I was
i miss who i want to become
I miss when this suffereing was not happening

i just miss it .................ALL

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -