Saturday, November 19, 2011

8- 1.5

Today I feel the game is over
yesterday I gave my love to faith 
and this morning its all over

Today I gave my heart away
it didnt wat to stay anyway
it hates me and all ive done
im not blaming it 
I would have done the same and been gone

Now I feel like a sac of lies
lying flat dead between the junction of cries
now I feel like i have really lost it all 
I cannot call for help
even though I need to yelp and yelp

I feel tormented I feel big
big with worry big with defeat
I feel ugly , in the monster seat


The game is changing fast and furious
I cannot chase I cannot be curious
to find the answer to find the speed
that makes me win 
without making me bleed

if i race i topple and break and smash
if i slow im forgotten im wasted i crash
if i normalise my gears want to change
my tyres :
front 
heart and mind
back
soul and body
start to tire
lose function
lose inspire

Today I feel like the battered sexy car
dying in the broken city of a forgotten star
its shine mystery gloss all burnt down
its love speed magic never again sound
just crumpled on the sidestreet 
nobody can see
that one day it was flying , so effortlessly







No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -