Saturday, February 2, 2008

A lot like love...


I want to love so emotionally distinct – a love that seems extinct – The blur of this emotionally distinct extinct love’s fantasia will cocoon me into being with you forever – I will love the dreams beneath your eyes beyond the horizons of your soul – I am going to look deeper and deeper addicted for a higher dose of a merge with the closeness of your touch, trying to put into words how it will be – when you call my name and my senses obey or when you visit my heart and it begs you to stay – because I want to redefine the meaning of near – you will not be near – you will be a word more intense to me than just near – you will become a part of my answers – when I think of you, it’s a lot like love – but the feeling is so strange and powerful, magnified and desire is so strong, it’s unbearable that I just know there is another word like love but crazier – a word simplified to explain what you do to me yet tangled in every complexion because when you kiss me you pull the rainbows out of the sky to come join and make the waterfalls collapse to try and see – its like that – damaging and naturally corrosive – immense in dynamics of insane purity –

But to love this love so emotionally distinct – a love that seems extinct – when you find me -- -- -- -- -- -- when you f—i—n—dNever mind.

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -