to read 40 years from now....

and so you wait until you shrivel into a secretive mess
dying inside like you never knew the taste of life
like you never breathed , or you never drank
cool air
water of your veins just stops
and you are forgotten ..
you forget yourself

you become this unhuman who just waits for something to happen
just something to happen
until then
red and green cards can fill the gap
diamonds and spades can be your obedience

while you wait for the right time

the right thing to do
the right place to be
the right hope to feel

you can just wait until that time comes

its probably tommorow
thats when its going to happen
and if not
then just say
its probably tommorow
and if not just say
its probably tommorow
and if not just say
its probably tommorow
and if not just say
its probably tommorow






















































20 years pass
will you still be in the same place a master of hearts?
while you wait for tommorow to come?
that tommorow where you are a new you
a stronger
a better
wiser
more demanding of yourself
understanding
kinder
hard working
you
or will you have maybe forgotten that dream
because you would have realised
that tommorow will never come
because it was always there
you just never saw...or tried to reach out
......











































40 years pass
time runs still
maybe time means something now
every second that runs by is important
and you wish you could collect all the time
but time runs so fast and you just wish

just wish... 40 years ago you didnt wait for tommorow and instead you enetered into today
and now
so you could change your future

so which one will it be?


 

(POW)_ Time is digging your grave

Are you watching?

(POW)_ A man wanting to consume the world

but the world consumed him
from the inside out and consumed him
until he was aflame with youth burnt to the stalk
and ridiculed with the desire to be invincible
but the truth is
he is the most invisible man i know
and no bling can make him shine
for he ate all wrong and poisoned his heart
and he tried to hold all years flavouring them with the battery of health and the magic of youth
but nothing can make better taste the splotch of waste hes placed ...
and I can see it in his eyes
a twinkle of despair from the soul
and I Can see it in his name
a king lost as a victim of ....an opposite buried

 

Echoes in my mind_ (Dont begin)

Its not a fair game to compare your mistakes with others... for their mistakes are individual,... entertained by their genetics, environments, beliefs, habits, traits, fears, failures, and love... for everyone wants love and protection of it, everyone needs to feel secure and everyone needs to know that love comes to them - sometimes they must go pursue it without consequence and except Allah , we don't have the right to be consumed in their wrong
and everyone does mistakes... the worst .. being not believing in Allah and how he is so kind and good to you - his creation -

its not the way to cheer you up - just because you hear others are full of dirt and falling deeper and deeper in sin - I feel sorry for them - yes - but using their weakness for your added strength is
like a vampire wish
and feeding on the  bloody ways of others is not the way to live a life
for you must be fair to yourself first and to do that you must stop watching others and search for the blackness inside you - to be fair to yourself you must be judgmental on your personal blacknesses
and to be fair you must be wise upon yourself to find the solutions and carry them out - not just hover over others possibilities to save themselves

you must find your own regrets and your own reasons that brought you to who you are today
and not why others got to where they are today
stop looking at the holes in others for one day they may sow themselves but you will still be leaking.....

The design of my life 3

Love of fun and faith

tuna candles... one could call them!

but I like to be more intricate in letters and call it

design of life and circular attention of gentle light

 and new falls of 

love

in a place... tempting

with burnt orange

... and painted lust

for i trust 

his hanging grandeur to hold me in place

and I want to be together with him

designing and creating 

forever
what could also be called
pineapple candles...
what a sweet man
Im so glad God put him in my plan

.....

(POW)_ Imagine your meal

imagine if this was your meal....

I realised today...

I realised today I am part of a deep family, of history and time, running through me, of seconds that became humans, that became relatives, that became gone , and that r eturned, that became here and that came there , and now are everywhere and I somewhere amongst them. maybe lost, maybe found ,
I realised today.. I am the centre of a wide kaleidoscope of unseen, visions, things happening to bring me here, scenes shot to run me today.. live and alive

I realised today , family is precious, for in an instant , you may lose someone you never knew even existed, but in that same precious moment you may discover someone new that always existed and is a blood relative.. and no matter how unfamiliar they are to you

... their relativity  becomes obvious with their kindness and that unexplored feeling of connection you start to discover

I realised today.. that family may save you... quickly, and without them - you would never know who you are and why youre here.

Today , I realised im here to bring forward that connection of family into my soul and my life, my heart and my strength , my own kindness and that I could never go forward if i didnt go back to behind OMdurman houses and find a family never known...

for just like we drove to the past, I realised the past has been driving me back. and ive been letting it, but the truth is , the past is only important so that you remember where youre going and that you never forget the footprints that youve left behind. but I will never let my past weaken me or my fears harden me, or my inabilities consume me, or my arrogance substitute me

for I realised today im an arrogant woman and my past is really simply and ... poor
and I realised to day im a stupid woman and my memory is gone with the wind....



_______________