This right here

This right here is only for your eyes to see, although in my dreams i have other fantasies, like proving to the world i really am correct, but in fact all I want is to be for you perfect, I want you to love me forever not because of anything except that you want to, it would kill me if you thought I was pathetic, or ugly or if I made you feel in anyway come out of love with me, this right here is only for your eyes to see, I would give anything to you, if you loved me forever in return, gracefully, easily, for I love that you may need me, and want me and think of me with all happinness in your mind, I want you too but I want you to say it first, you hav eto say it first, I am a shy girl, I am even more shy around you, but if you come closer and whisper words that are the secret code, then I wont be a secret to you no more. 

White BMW's

A line of them for a special day

they come my way

big and small but all white

and I fight my entrance into a dream  free and extended with love

as I only wish for good grandeur

so maybe it will just be a dream heart dream. for it can never be right as it is filled with expensive material and fuming jealousy, although all I really want is to see him love me , and to see him want me and to have him hold my hand as I enter our lives together and I want to surround myself in white for him,  with white BMW's that match a white dress - a romantic petrol of images burns inside me

and white roses that scent of fragranced future

with white stars that smile and white cake that tastes impossibly perfect

white love, pure of heart and stronger than the strongest metal

to beat anybody's wrong - our love will be

White BMW's have come and gone and left me with the rupture of a dream

like a speeding extravaganza and a rapid surge of fantasy , like wrong medicine, like an allergy to the future - i scratch to forget now

for it is not the time or the place for beautiful allergies

It is not the time or the moment for white sirens to attack my heart

White papers against the devils work

 I want them to remain white and never be stained by failures or regret 

Indeed I have 2 days to regret again ..........fajr misproportions

POW_ leave the bad for the good

if u leaVe something for Allah , he will give you even better

Signed ......never let you

They say he's good at what he does
he's bee naround since adam
and before when he actually  did obey god and his call
but then refused to bow to his creation us
and so decided he would make life thus
.......a disaster
they say he's smart, strong and sexy
they say he's invisible but can be unlike and come in all different forms
they say he is very good at his work
and thus his career has propsered and will prosper indefinietely
Professor Devil?

how can a young young girl like me fight him?
defeat him
make him so angry that I'm not listening
threaten him
change the game
win the game
make him run
make him cry
make him die if he tries come near me

how can such inexperience win?
how can such lack of knowledge get a distinction in thisexam
the exam of beating him
doing better and beyond
never


i never want to see him
I never want to exchange anything with him
I dont want anything from him
I dont want nothing in exchange
I want to be on God's side
ALWAYS

you might say impossible
he's too talented
he's just too talented
like chess
can predict your next move and move before you
pathetic
you might say
is trying to win him

pathetic i say is leaving him win
pathetic I say is believing he can win
pathetic I say is thinking he's smarter
you are human beautiful flesh and mind and blended with courage and love
he is just pathetic in an other realm somewhere with no family
with nothing to do but look at you
with nothing to do but think of ways to mess your happiness
for he has no happinness
he knows he is a part of hell
he knows fire pain and regret are his only home
he knows his existence is pathetic
he knows he has no family, never tasted the feeling of a smile
never tasted the love of God
never tasted the strength of love
never will amount to anything
so the best he can do is make you not amount to anything too

I wont let you
I wont let you
you may try
come and try
try a million times
try a million more
try my whole life
but I will never let you
you are pathetic
you are less than the ability of a cell
or the knowledge of an atom


Signed
......never let you 

Signed... the weakless

Ya allah seal my cracks
mend my holes
restore my being
before i fall
repair my time
alter my fate
change my heart
turn me back
so i am not late
for the future
Ya Allah heal my thoughts
treat my soul
treat the melody that has turned cold
put back power
build my ceiling higher
for I dream I can see past the small things
and I dream the sky is not my limit
and  I dream this hope never dies
without faith
and I dream I am amazing
at everything possible
and I dream he becomes a part of me
and I dream he is strong
and I dream its perfectly wrong
and I dream its luscious
and I dream its surreal
and I dream its magnified volume of love
and I dream its all mine
I am selfish Ya Allah
but I am not small
I am selfish Ya Allah
but I am not young no more
I am selfish Ya Allah
but I am not weak


Signed ....
the weakless

Signed...I refuse

I refuse to fall
I refuse to call on the wrong thing
I refure to lose my determination
I refuse to get myself in a common mess
for common people
for common lay stupid people
I refuse to shadow in black
I refuse to fall
I'd rather die
I'd rather starve
I'd rather have any dismercy fall
but not this fall
never
I refuse to go soft
I refuse to lose this battle
this is a battle i refuse to get killed in
to die in
no I'd put my life for everything
but I refuse to put my life for something wrong like this
particularly this
I refuse to forget ramadan so early
I refuse to forget ramadan at all
I refuse to let God see me like this
I refuse to put my dreams up for sale
i refure to bow out of the game with broken arms and legs
I refuse to be the last
I refuse
it all
i will type till i erase the part in me that cannot understand
It will not have control
I refuse to listen to the wrong hting
to see the wrong thing
to hear the wrong thing
to feel the wrong thing
its simple this year
I refuse to be the old me

signed
I refuse

Signed...won't lose now

I do not want to forget or regret
I want to be put in a faithful situation and actually be faithful
worthwhile for this amazing career , of carrinng Islam in my heart
and the pain of regret is humiliating and agonising
of letting that go, the test of time

_________
I only want to ache for you
smile at you
let you enter my world and open my dreams
for they are yours and yours alone to open
and I only want to wait
and I only want to watch you watching me
and hear us wishing upon stars of tommorrow together
and I only want to make first time everythings with you
_____________

something burns inside me
hurts me and can break me
but right now i have enough supplies to win this war
i must ask for more
and wait till I get it
i must use my resources wisely
and I must pray for better
 love for myself before anybody else
tell me
which route do you want to take?
which ramadan do you choose?
the one that won
or the one that was all wrong
__________________

I choose life , true love and happy visions
i choose success and smiling and cinemas
I choose cinnamon buns and carrot cake
I choose walking and dancing
and mango radio
I choose jokes on TV and an old film ive watched a lot
I choose to leave darkness behind
I choose to control my senses
I choose to control myself
I choose to live for goodness and innocence and purity and healthy drama and satin love with white rose stare and glance at you
somewhere between a khartoum faiytale a future awaits for me and I plan to arrive
i can almost scent it and hear it but I cannot see it all for its in another realm
that only God can bring to me

I choose my future

Signed

...

wont' lose now