Tuesday, November 26, 2024

Half

Half the year
Today is 30th june. Tomorrow is second half, like a browk relay race ive only just arrived
Bigger than the biggest elephant yet smaller than the smallest pearl
I was shiny but cant see it no where
I kinda miss writing
But also praying
You see the devil has become of me 
And now im messing
With the wrong thing
Things 
Trying to be good
Trying failing
Tommorow is the seocnd half of the year
An empty page
But like all these things 
The start for two secondsthen its over
Fat
Do u know sometimes i eat a big giant choc triple cookie with a big dollop of nutella
About a 1000 calories on a 120 kilo same size gorilla
Im being mean on purpose

Im being horrid to myself just like ive been horrid to myself

Summary what happened these last 6 months 
Everything
Nothing
Bigger bigger bigger

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -