Thursday, June 15, 2023

Adherence

 I still remember classes of impressions yet asherance to study was what I learnt

If you had 25 min to spare you use it to learn not eat 

And so now I am a bmi of 45 adding all those 25’s 

My accomplishments seem … annoying 

I don’t see it having been woken up at 3am and now it’s 5am boy am I tired

But yea it is getting ready for a new day 

And yet news comes in my previous acquaintances  are doing much much better than me 

It saddens me 

But then I think this is as best I’ve done in the situations I’ve been given 

But then I see no 

It’s not

For example I don’t need time or money or even intelligence or lose weight or to know I have spiralled out of control 

And yet here I am with a bmi of 45 written on papers an embarrassment really 

How can I accomplish anything if I can’t accomplish myself 


Today will be a test of time 

For I have had no good sleep I could eat the world but would it make me feel better


I feel sad and mad at myself 

It’s all about adherence

Adhere to your goals to your sanity to your strength to your belief to your red lines

And go back turn back 

Now


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -