hi there....
I miss the my world shining and my life singing
I miss that beautful young lighting joy within me from being kind
truly truly being kind
imagine.....
someone dying for a baby and someone dying not to have one
I think about myself and all the things lately that ive been doing
I think about that email and about hes right - she does love me and is kind to me
and is my important person to adore and appreciate for she does fill the house and does have a place that i need to respect and appreciate
tell me...
how would it feel like to have one
a young liveone
a small life or soul in your arms
i dont know
ive never written about it as i have love or other things
maybe im too embarrassed to say i want something so much
i cant imagin what i would do
how i would look at it
and how i would hold them
and what they would be wearing
and how it would feel like
everything
i think about it very hard and closely and i think
will it come ?
as i have begged for other things in the past
really do i have a problem
or is my only problem that i havve a black heart
i do
have a black heart
and maybe changing that will help things
i wonder about my pains
and my miseries
my tongue and
my insanities
my true ones and my really true ones
maybe i shouldnt have spoken
do I feel better?
i dont know
or do I just have more thoughts to think about
like what is he thinking
I dont want to be like this
i dont want to be unhappy when i should be happy
sad when i should be ecstatic
cold when i should be warm
mean when i should be kind
lying to myself when i should be honest
weak when i should be brave
no
i want to be openly brave honest kind warm and ecstatic
for i deseerve to be all those things and i deserve to spend my expensive time on those and not being obsessive jealous mean cold unhappy and bitter
and worse
selfish
and worse
a complete lying to myself
for i should know and realise that that is the worse and yet easiest thing i can do to myself
and it is the hardest but best treatment i can offer myself
to be true to myself
I miss the my world shining and my life singing
I miss that beautful young lighting joy within me from being kind
truly truly being kind
imagine.....
someone dying for a baby and someone dying not to have one
I think about myself and all the things lately that ive been doing
I think about that email and about hes right - she does love me and is kind to me
and is my important person to adore and appreciate for she does fill the house and does have a place that i need to respect and appreciate
tell me...
how would it feel like to have one
a young liveone
a small life or soul in your arms
i dont know
ive never written about it as i have love or other things
maybe im too embarrassed to say i want something so much
i cant imagin what i would do
how i would look at it
and how i would hold them
and what they would be wearing
and how it would feel like
everything
i think about it very hard and closely and i think
will it come ?
as i have begged for other things in the past
really do i have a problem
or is my only problem that i havve a black heart
i do
have a black heart
and maybe changing that will help things
i wonder about my pains
and my miseries
my tongue and
my insanities
my true ones and my really true ones
maybe i shouldnt have spoken
do I feel better?
i dont know
or do I just have more thoughts to think about
like what is he thinking
I dont want to be like this
i dont want to be unhappy when i should be happy
sad when i should be ecstatic
cold when i should be warm
mean when i should be kind
lying to myself when i should be honest
weak when i should be brave
no
i want to be openly brave honest kind warm and ecstatic
for i deseerve to be all those things and i deserve to spend my expensive time on those and not being obsessive jealous mean cold unhappy and bitter
and worse
selfish
and worse
a complete lying to myself
for i should know and realise that that is the worse and yet easiest thing i can do to myself
and it is the hardest but best treatment i can offer myself
to be true to myself
No comments:
Post a Comment