Scarce answers

Maybe I love too free
But isn’t that the way love should be?
Without restrictions and evaluations
Just growing temptations
To find out more –

Maybe I love too blind
Never investigating what I find
Only exploring the feelings in my mind
And how your touch is so kind
To my heart-

Do I think too crazily?
That love can be forever baby
That it only has an honest policy
Never a judgmental story
Of appearances and glory

Am I too hazy?
In believing love can heal problems
Shining as a beautiful emblem
Against life’s sharp edges
Cracked and fake ledges

So am I wrong?
When I type love protects
Writes over tears and regret
Am I wrong and should forget?
All that love once meant?

Maybe I love too free
Maybe I love too blind
Do I think too crazily?
Am I too hazy?
So am I wrong?

Questions with answers too long to fit in my head
Wrestling for a space where my emotions once bred
Now battling to configure the prestige from lies that I’m fed
Surfacing to remember the directions of the path I tread
Blatant confusion and whispering perfusions of a theoretical madness take me to wherever I’m led
The trails of my wish list devour the knots to when nothing was said
And only dreams bled – and all my sensations were dead -

Khartoum heartbreak 1

Under a tropical glittered sky lay Khartoum's urban exotic rhythm where Africa’s secretive magic rushed past tribal black down way streets and dark alleyways forgotten by electricity yet bursting with tranquility, culture that slept so alive from the taste of moisture of love - Until I remember it tried to sprinkle the fantasy over our back garden and it suddenly collided into 2 souls that terminated the continuation of the 'Sudanese dream' - You - I - everlasting love falling in between.
The Sun began to lift its face over the country so as to shine the existence of a newly beginning day - Rays stretched far and wide through schoolbags of young children skipping to classrooms and cheap transport of tricycled motors boycotting hot desert traffic against the background of swiveling young youth perspiring to work trying to overcome the nomadic modernity. As those rays strengthened their will to give soul to the land its light pouring through our open morning driveway the light was trapped by the boundaries of 2 hearts who only reflected darkness and shined blackness to each other's world.

Him...

U lit my heart, using the stars as a lamp
But suddenly ………
My mind was blank, in waters of heaviness I sank
Deeper and deeper I fell in the creation
Of darkness and empty realizations
I/me what is it that I should see/be?
I wanted to find out what it was all about
And not be tricked by anxiety and doubt
So through the portal of dreams I tried to reach you
The crystal transferred the magic broken/unspoken
And every spell was too late to change fate
I shut my eyes and begged for a dream… classic
Magic, magic fix what is tragic

He doesn’t see me in this poisoned reality
So heal him with any beautiful remedy
Let me tap him with some corner of my existence
And change him unchanged to the change of brilliance
The potion of honor, tell him where it is so he can discover
A new part of his soul – a new place behind this wall
Where he can grip the corners of his soul

Why did I go through this?
Why did I worry with all this pain?
Is it worth all the broken memories?
His loss in my heart
His ways living in my soul
And I wonder about him day and night

In the distance –
So far away under the same sky’s existence
But through oceans where salt corrodes all love and words
Rusting all the promises in the depth of a blank drowning smile
Why did I remember his shining armor?
That swept the night and he became my knight forever after

He left a hollow in my dreams for me to fill with emptiness
I fantasized the reasons why he would understand my weakness
Yet fall in the strength of love
But mystical arrangements failed to achieve magic --

Ledges of time

Life cut through me like slices of unforgotten cake
The sweetness poured out of me till I couldn’t feel existence no more
There was a moment in time when I was suspended in time – the corners of my reality slowly merging with the motorways taking me out of this world
I felt unknowing, unwilling to go back but to go forward –
My cracked mind had split in 4
Depression, weakness, strength and failure
Stardom of confusion gazed upon me through a lens of maddening questions that needed answers
Click click click – my pictures were taken but they didn’t know I was sleeping –
Flick flick flick – my life rolled by so involuntarily I didn’t realize I was dying -
My eye lids shut a long time ago - before the light of their photographic pain came running in to haunt me
I smiled ghostly at the irreplaceable camera that breaks my soul time and time again
Winning the shadows of my sadness, achieving all the right roles of my madness
I couldn’t stop thinking anymore – too young yet too old for this fall
All my flat balance started to curve inside me – the ledges of time began to stop supporting me – I was too heavy now with all my raging fears, with all my flooding tears – with all my withholding cries – with all my nauseous tries - to keep standing up.

Spells attack and love fights back until tanks are empty from willingness
Promises shrivel and youth cripples so there is only ageing darkness
Fears nudge and distance shrugs at looking back to change things
Pains rise and nobody tries to fix broken wings
So angels fall and tunnels call to hide from it all
Confusion stares at everyone’s care to leave an unnecessary struggle
That I have to fight so I give up through the night and become part of an invisible jungle – collectively as the shot of a terrible angle – but now I rest – strangely quickly – my breath reacts to the forgotten eternity – of ledges of time supporting me –

Wrong

Dreams strangled
Hopes mangled
Fantasies tangled

Love parted
Distance charted
Hurt started

Weakness grazing
Promises dazing
Imagination ageing

Kisses breaking
Hearts aching
Lovers faking

Forever darkening
Fear larkening
Misery harkening

Loss beginning
Misunderstanding winning
Pain spinning

Hugs tearing
Never caring
After me – after all
=================================
I love the way you love me
I love the way you talk to me
I love the way I dream our future to be
I love the way I make you out to be
I love the way I need you
The way I ………………..
I hate the way I get so jealous
The way I can't stop thinking about you
The way I don’t understand, why I understand so much
I hate the way we are so far apart
I hate the betrayal of not having you near
I hate the regret of you not wiping my tears
I hate crying all the time about you
I love when I smile because of you
I hate to think what you think of me…………….
I hate to think how wrong it would be………

Life in ransom 1 - Torn Love

This is a new idea called Life in Ransom - where all emotions and ideas are put through a ransom note to explain meaning - This is the first one - TORN LOVE

Away in the night

No light

End in sight

Worrying times

Refusing change

Tragic feeling

Crazy love

Miss - Divided / Divided Love

0% warm

Losing ur beat

need ur beat

More difference

Dancing fears

Sunk chance

clear warning

Reality Blind

Finished beauty

Fear the decisions

Massive open secret

Easy restrictions

Sudanese men!!!

This is a really funny way pure of sudanese culture in expressing mens ways of odd thinking and their even odder actions !!!

!!!!!!!ممغوووووووووسه من الرجال
من زماااااااااان وانا الرجال ديل رافعين لي الضغط... راس كبير على الفاضي: ! عليك الله رافعين نخرتم على شنو الناس الجضومم بيقوم فيها شعر ديل؟؟ الواحد فيهم لو غشيتي زي الشافع بيتغشى ليك...

الفصل الأول

:قبل الزواج:

اسمعي يا عسل... ايه رايك نمشي المطعم الفلاني... قلتي غالي؟؟ ما في شي بيغلى عليك يا اعز الناس ...

بعد الزواج :

نجيب فول من الفوال البرة ليه؟؟ انا جايب ليك قدرة من سوق ليبيا بالشي الفلاني عشان نخسر قروشنا عند الفوال؟؟ مرة مسرفة!! لا .. و الظرافة قبل الزواج: انا بصراحة ما بحب الملاح والحاجات دي بحب البيتزا والمعجنات وهو كان شمه ريحة ام رقيقة حيلو يبرد ويجري عليها واهم شي يشتريه في عفش البيت الصاج... واحلى شي لما يقول ليك قرووووووششششششي وانا حر فيها : ياخي يقرش حلقووووومك ( سوري على الدعوة دي بس من زماااان نفسي اقولها ).... المرة من الفجر تصحي الاولاد تحشي السندوتشات تعمل الشاي تنضف البيت تعمل الاكل وهو يجي الساعة 3 من الشغل ويعمل فيها بني الاهرامات براااااه : تعبان وزهجان و ما داير يعمل اي شي ... مرتو بعد شغل النهار دا كلو تغسل عدة الغدا وتبدا تقري الاولاد وبعدين شاي المغرب بعدين العشاء يعني قروشششششو دي: شرااااااااااكة بينم امال هو متخيل انه اتخق عشان يتخدم بلووووشي....

دقيقة اشرب موية باردة واجي ريقي نشف من الغيظ.

: الفصل التاني:طلباتم الغريبة

الواحد ياخد بت الناس من بيت اهلها و يكون داير يبكي من الفرح ما مصدق انه رضت بيه.. بعد شوية يبدا النقة: نكدية.. سمينة/ضعيفة ... ما بتهتم بنفسها ... بيتها مااااا نضيف شديد... طبعا مفروض النهار كلو زي تور الجر ...الاولاد لازم تقريهم يطلعوا من الاوائل والبيت يكون زي القصور ( وهو كان قالو ليه جيب ملاية جديدة يقرب يبكي!) و مفروض يكون شكلها يكون نانسي عجرم( او هيفا وهبي عشان المكسرين في هيفا ما يزعلو) وهو كان قالت ليه كوفير ساااااااي يسمعها بيان تفصيلي بالمنصرفات عاد هو تعايني ليه تلقي الصلعة لياقة القميص بي ورا والكرشة مدورة وكبيييييييييييييرة و ما عاجباه مرتو !

الفصل التالت:

التعامل :

طبعا الرجال بيحاولو يقنعونا انه اسهل طريقة للتعامل معاهم الكلمة الحلوة والدلع ... عشان تدلعيهم طبعا ... الواحد يعدل نضارتو ويحك جلحاتو و يديك نظرة حنونة ويقول ليك: عارفة دايما بيقولو الرجل ( مش الرااجل) زي الطفل كل شي ممكن معاه بالكلمة الحلوة واللطافة .. قال يعني هو لما كان طفل كان بيعاملوه بالكلمة الحلوة واللطافة ( شوفة عيني امه ساكاه طول النهار بالسفنجة) .. اسمعي يا اختي نصيحة مني للتعامل مع الرجال: دايرة منو شي: قولي اول شي بأدب ووضوح رضى رضى ...ما رضى: صري وشك لما يبقى زي الخيارة النشفانه و حمري ليه بعدين ارفعي انبوبة الغاز بيد واااااحد ونزليها( أنبوبة فاضية طبعا بس انتي ما حتقولي ليه )) وبعدين كوووووركي وقلبي ليه القديم والجديد ...و بعدين بكل لطافة ورقة وحنية كرري طلبك ! و ان شاء الله حيحصل.

منقوووووووووووووووووووووول