M&A 3...i feel like

A dream within a dream I dream a dream within a dream
somewhere very far away yet really close and really near
I feel like I cant breathe, I feel like i cant hold on
I feel happy, i feel scared, I feel wonderful, I feel beautiful
I feel inspired I feel controless - really lost under control
I feel precious, I feel lucky, I feel like patience worked
I feel like God is really happy with me
I feel like i know this is my reward
I feel like i gota choose since ive been chosen
I feel like im going so fast
like the speed of light
I feel like its alright
because light is all I see
I feel strange
I still feel scared
I feel like I have a lot to say and ill never be able to say it

M and A....

those two letters mean the world to me
and now it comes like a flying memory
blowing into the future as if jigsaw puzzles I have finally discovered
could it be?
it was all meant to be?
the I knew I loved you before i met you
M and A
I have creations for those letters
I have dedications for those letters
I have great love and weight for those letters
maybe he'll know what i mean
maybe he wont
but I want him to know
....more

M&A 2....Tell me

Tell me what it is you want me to say and I'll say it

Tell me what it is you want me to do and I'll do it

Tell me who it is you need to be and I'll be it

Tell me what it is that makes you happy and ill always find a way to make it

Tell me what it is that makes you sad and ill always have a way to change it

Tell me your worries and ill always create space to take them away

Tell me your fears and ill always have strength to push them away

Tell me about your life your dreams your hopes

Tell me your challenges your miseries your secrets

Tell me about you , tell me about me, tell me about us

 

M&A 1....I feel like

I feel like i have this untarnished gold between my hands and I want to polish it

I feel like ive been given a gift that i want to unwrap

I feel like i want to wake up at 4am too except i keep waking up at 10

I feel like i must do the right thing but i dont know what that is

I feel like God has my back but im still afraid

I feel like I want him but Im scared to say

I feel like ive finally been given my dreams but im too much in denial

 

 

 

untitled - i gotta go

Ive got a lot to say but I dont have a lot of time to say it
let this be .... a lesson
for me for my faith
let this be one of the hardest times for me
I dont care
I care that I pass and that I perservere to
never be the one I am now
let this be the woman I want to be
and let this be the woman that is no more
for I want her to die and i want the new one to rise
the one with silence and secrets
and faith and eternal patience
and love
and care for education
and care ofr style

let this be me

ME

My knees hurt....

her eyes traverse my soul
I can see her healthy smart and strong
I can see her behind her veil proud and honest
I can see her in use of faith
I wonder how she looks when she prays

does she look intimate
does she look sound
does she look young
does she look poor
?

Please God let me honour your cause and be the one that knows knowledge for you
live because of you and grow up with you and for you
 i dont want earthly things yet - I care to supersede and rise never above you but for your love , for your attraction - I am working hard for you
and she turns over her mat at 5 am  cold wind slightly caressing her and an orange lamp smoothly devouring her eyes she lightly gets up and makes hot cardemon tea and silently begins herday studying , always for him - its always so easy then - its never hard

black makes sense to me then
it makes me see other colours as if I can see her heart
for she pours knowledge out
and didnt take that long
it didnt take that long for me to
my colours are black and her black is full of colour
it didnt take me long to see her place is high
and my high place is low
it didnt take me long to know
I am so lost
for I used to laugh deep inside and say
ha! always I am that little bit smarter

but I feel very vulnerable now
I am that little it weaker
that little bit unwiser
that little bit old

I wish for a new day
somewhere far away
where I can prove that black is filled with colour
and that eyes are honest
and God is mine to keep
thatnoone should take that
and that nothing can take me response
my vitality
my life
I feel stolen
now
I feel uglyand old because I lacking and cold
and terrified of so many things
when we were sent to be only afraid of one thing


God
and yet that one thing so important
I am not caring to
so how can my faith care to me
and how can my love care to me
and how can knowledge come to me
and how can love open for me
and how can challenges want to fly
and how can my future touch the sky


 

The change of Hope 1

 

I've decided, that everytime I am sad, I will write a good note, not about the bad thing that inspired me to write good but about the goodness that my anger of heat only melts into my veins and helps me become a better woman. I am not a bad woman, I am not an ugly woman, I am not a beautiful woman either though for currently I am ...homeless . Sudan, the most beautiful country in the world , the place where I was born, is not my home no more , for I only see pain and disaster and my heart only bleeds with tears. that doens'nt mean I will stop loving it. but I want better things, Like becoming that amazing woman with hope and hardship that squeezed out success. this time i want to see 90, and above, I want to see distinctions and i want to see a second chance being sold cheaper than its worth but used far expensive than ever. I will no more linger about pain or suffering. I will no more be of the hopeless for I am the last one on earth that should be hopeless, I am sprinkled with ... talents and love. ah, love. I have forgotten what it is I want. I have forgotten my dreams. my life, my wants and desires. I have minisculed them into disproportion, i have challenged them until t hey have vanished, i have lost them deep within my soul and now when i look, all i see is.. empptiness and other peoples dramas, never my own. i never stopped to think that i am pushing him away. for on the outside, i am nothing like what i feel. and nothing like what i can give, and nothing like how i can love.. a man that is sent for me. only god can do that for me. maybe its as far away as here and maybe its as close as across the ocean but it is certainly after patience for my sister is patience and i have decided to fight her. it doesnt matter if im asked for things that I want because God will give them to me if I ask.....so why am I not asking?