my dream _ is back

I ask myself the question

is there anything to stop me from achieving this dream?

I answer myself

no

no more will this dream be a thousand years away
no more will it be far
no more it will be weak in my heart
no more will i stop and start


I think to myself

there are dreams that are in gods hands yet
and there are dreams he has given to you
but they have unlocking keys tests and strengths you must pass to get to them

did you not ever think like that ?
like a challenge test
you must pass al achallenges to find the dream

but the abiility you have
these are not impossible challenges

and this is a beautifully possible dream


I tihnk to myself

when will this dream be mine ?
right now
i can barely form it
like a new foetus
it grows on me
it takes from me

i think to myself
this is my dream and noone elses

this is my dream

for a girl who wants to start again.....this time for her , just her

For a girl who has absolutely no control over her nafs
she may be able to see the monster within

if a portal opens even for just a few seconds

for a girl who has no control over her dreams
she may be able to die without fulfilling any of them

unless she open the portal for a few seconds more


for a girl who has no idea who she is
she may have given all her energy to the devils smile

unless she opens the portal for a minute

is that her limit

just a minute

for a girl who has absolutely no power overher wishes
she may be able to hear that only she is one left out

alone
forever


unless she opens a portal for a minte more

for a girl who has no demands
she is simply unhuman

for a girl who is too afraid to try
worse
thas tried surrendering too many times

and is used to it

for a girl who has no knowledge but to surrender
her heart hearts

and she is used to it

for a woman who sees herself small
she will always feel small

unless she opens the portal forever

Ya Rab

Ya Rab I need your help
Ya Rab please do not leave me on my own
Ya Rab I need your help and love and strength in my heart
I need your change and to help me rearrange my life
and my faith
my status is with you
and yet i feel offline


Ya Rab
I need your attention
your attraction
your moments in time
and your creative aspirations

Ya Rab I need you

Tricked

tricked
perfect timing
and you are always the one losing
have you not asked yourself why you are always the one losing
having to deal and feel with pain all day long
and stolen memories from a woman stronger and better than you

tricked
lost minutes make up an hour , hours
a laugh at you invisible from behind
from in front
it works
after all
they are good what they do
and you?
no
you are not good at what you do

tricked
powerfully wrong
powerfully in pain
powerfully needing passion

an ache aches deep within
you ask yourself what is causing this circuit of tears
I say
deep tenderness to have an excuisite dream
that does belong to you

for youare nothing like the woman of your dreams
but thats not what aches

what makes the tear fall final its weight breaking further my defeat
is that i should be that woman of my dreams
whatever i want to be i should be
there should be no difference between those two women
and yet


they are two drasticly different women
they are two differently created creatures

tricked you are
untricked she is

and the difference is clear

I cry becasue i want to be untricked
and yet every second more
I am
fallen into anotehr trap

I think
time will end one day
2 or 3
I dont know
but time will end

and then time will spare heaven or hell
and all the time in the world will not be enough for regret

I will think
A heave n
I wonder whats in A heaven
 

iceberg of my dream ......

 I wish for a navy blue satin dress that fits perfectly and has white crystals as a belt...it swirls as i'm dancing on a night time somewhere in khartoum city and im wearing euphoria calvin klein...but that is just the iceberg of my dream .............

I dream of....

I dream of white satin and roses try
to blend in harmony and not cry
I dream of shimmers of sandal and wood
I dream in your eyes I am understood

I dream of pearls glistening closeto midnight
I dream in your hands i am the love you never want to fight
I dream of overlaps of threads and delicate armoury
after shave and whistful sanctionary
in your song with me

I dream of chaos that calms
I dream of madness that reasons
I dream of weakness that strenghtens
I dream of a love that is hard to beat

I dream of you
i dream of me
and nobody
in between
ever

I dream of white
 Idream of black
I dream of a love that nothing can attack

I dream of me
 idream of you
 I dream of us being simple but true

I dream of a  future with you by my side
handsome soldier
i never forget you
you aer my unforgotten tide

rythym of my heart calls me to bleed
for your memory that needs
me to remember
all you are
and all i am with you

all I am
and all you are with me

I dream of white or gold garden lamps
I cant decide
I dreams of henna hands matching
that cant divide
i dream of two souls meeting
that were meant to collide

I dream of a powerful love
like powerful marks
or a powerful song
like a powerful statment
or even a powerful end
 I always dream big
but I never chase it to the end

100

I am afraid
only from the damage i can cause myself
 Iam afraid of my own neglects
and over percieved power
I know it is good to stay strong
but only if you have the capability to protect yourself
do I?

I am afraid from the agner I have caused
and hte regrets i have managed an the lies i ahve said
and the days of love i have misse
d and days of evil i have kissed

but i should not be
i should trust god
and everything he means
and everything
faith is beautifully
and calmly
i should be strong
becasue i ahve faith
and i have God to pull me through

Ya Rab pull me through and help me
i need you even thoug h
i have done too many mistakes
even though
i have done too many wrongs
ya rab i want to do a perfect right

ya rab i am not here to just get in
same idea as heaven
i am here  to get to a heaven
ya rab let it be