7 - 1.5

THE WAR CONTINUES.................................


THE WEAPON IS NOT TO FEEL PAIN

THE CRITERIA ARE LOST
BUT THE GUIDELINES ARE GOLD

THE EMOTION IS TO PUSH FORWARDS

PUSH THE THORNS AWAY PUSH THE MEMORIES OF YOUR WOUDS AWAY

THE SECRET IS TO CONTINUE
YOU MUST CONTINUE TO FIGHT

EVEN IF IT LOOKS LIKE A HOPELESS COUNT
EVEN IF YOU HAVE BEEN DEEMPLOYED
EVEN IF YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE STRATEGY

YOU MUST CONTINUE TO FIGHT
YOU CANNOT STOP NOW

YOU CANNOT DIE......NOW
FOR IF YOU PUT DOWN YOUR ARMOR

YOU WILL DIE
................
YOU WILL BE FORGOTTEN
YOU WILL BE UNrEMEMBERED
YOU WILL BE UNCELEBREATED

THE WAR HAS NOT BEEN WON

IT IS ONLY WON IF YOU LET THEM WIN
IF YOU LET THEM
IF YOU SAY

.....YOU HAVE WON OVER ME
THAT IS THE REAL LOSSS
NOT IF IT LOOKS LIKE THEY ARE WINNING BUT IF YOU GIVE UP

DO NOT GIVE UP
IF THERE IS ONE LAST BREATH IN YOU
DO NOT GIVE UP
IF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOOK GOOD FOR
DO NOT TURN TO THE UGLY
IF YOU HAVE NO MEMORIES OF FORGIVENESS
DO NOT FORGIVE THE WEAKNESS

LOOK TO MAKE NEW MEMORIES OF STRENGTH
DO NOT GIVE Up
I TELL YOU
7 fall s

1 try
half a win

DO NOT GIVE UP

5 - 1.5

I may have lost the war but I have not lost the battle
I may have been close to losingbut there is one place one time where I Will win
I know I will
I know I can
I know there's a way
just like theres a way calm the soul from evil
to pour coldwater over it and freeze the bad
to shiver instead of burn
to feel cold instead of heat
to let your body exchange temperatures and minus the pain instead of overload the agony
to try a little by little never to succumb to the pressure the tension and the remorse
I will succeeed one day fully
one day I will fully succeed
one day  I will make it
one day I will be so strong that I will never doubt myself
that I Will never slip
today I slipped but I didnT reach the bottom
today I fell but I didnt fall to the end
today I turned to darknss but turned back before the tunnel closed behind me
today I opened the door and I made a choice and for that I eat back a bit of strength
from the accummulation of weakness
today.......I made it ....slightly alive

I write the forgotten_ I write me

Please God help me thoughout hte day
let me stay awake let me never stray
let me live love and learn
let me be solid let me be stern
with shaytaans hypocrisy I do not blend
with your faith and prayer I heal and mend

Please God let me change forthe better for today
I must take it day by day
for the future by future is near and far
I look at it like a golden star
I put my hand out to reach
with good speech
with kind words
unbroken
unyielded from patience
I speak honourary
like an honourary contract with you

Please God
I ask for things
a lot of things
and I ask you to stop things
a lot of things
but one thing is the same
I ask you to be with me and to never let me go
 Iask you to have faith in me , like I have faith in you
Do not take what you have given me
Do not take my most cherished possession
......My Deen

Please God
I ask you to help me
I ask you to not deny me your mercy
your beauty
your time

I ask you to not deny me your covering
for without it I am bare raw exposed
I ask you to give me one morechance
like a free diamond your faith is
like a lot of money your love is
like a genius mind your call is
like a forgotten treasure inside me
sparkling to be found

I.... must continue 3, Searching

I must continue, searching
For the right time
the riht moment
the right way

I must continue searching and never give up
never stop believing that my search will find...
the answer, the right anser, the only answer

One day people will find the cure to aids
one day people will find the cue to cancer
One day I will find the cure to my own diseases

one day I will recover from my own diseases
One day I will find what I search for

one day certain people will find heaven
One day certain people will find hell
One day  I will find the way to heaven
I will search for the road always

I must search for a reason
I must search for a solution
before its too late

One day my eardrums will stop pounding
my heart will stop beating
my soul will stop laughing
my mind will stop thinking
my body will stop moving
one day I will stop searching here
and start searching there
one day I will never stop searching


I must continue searching
searching for who I am
searching for the one
who is the one for me?
i must search for the completion of myself within myself

I must search
I must do a lot of searching

I must search for the early morning
the late in night
where prayers are answered
i must search for the waking
the early dew wen birds chirp good morning

I must continue searching for love
the way to love myself
to provide myself with complete attention and complete care
I must search for space, to find grace
for new memories
I must search for new thoughts
new places to be in , want , look for
I must search for new things
better things
challenging things
new goals
I must search for new goals


I must search
search for life
search forever in life
search for life in life

learning
giving
changing
becoming
yearning
stopping
I search to stop
anger
pain
suffering
within me
I search to understand
a lot of things
too many things

suddenly I search for time
I search for time
amazing how just a few moments ago
 i had all the time in the world

Now i have no time to search
just searching for time
I have no time
I search for forgotten time
time asleep
time in tears
time in devil dreams
time in wasteful echoes
time in the future
when the future is not here

I must continue to search
I

........To be continued

I.... must continue 2, Dancing

 I must continue, Dancing

Instead of music killing her
it saves her

Instead of her ears crashing
her eyes see a difference

Instead of her body accumulating dust
she dusts off her imperfections

From top to bottom

your body is a problem

Intead of her mindfalling apart

happiness binds her together

Instead of brakes ruling

her curves are cruising

Instead of her getting uglier

she gets sensation..er

Instead of old age living

old age is dying

Instead of everything missing

everything starts from the beginning

Everything starts from the beginning

All by dancing

She mesmerises her dreams by her new flow

calculated madness no more

Falling only to the rythym of what she creates

she dances and dances until her chains deteriorate

pores opening sweating rust

fat burning melting dust

She begins from scratch for the body has been destroyed

she has an empty canvas to draw on

a clean? soul to paint

well a new chance to never faint

out

All by dancing

meeting the criteria of everything right

Dancing correctly

dancing to perform outstandingly

Dancing to forgive

Dancing to edge her body into sharpness

razor cut glamour 

Dancing to forget previous episodes

Dancing to fall in love

Dancing to feel herself once more

Dancing to connect the dots

Dancing to heal the gaping spots

of forgotten escapades of rythym

I

.........To be continued 

I.... must continue 1, Breathing

I ....must continue breathing

Dear God

I cannot find you

I cannot feel you 

or touch you no more

I have diesi nside a million times 

and the shell of memories I cannot break 

Dear God

I cannot make you

happier

I cannot take faith

stronger

I cannot do something

powerful

even if its small

instead I do weak things 

big

Dear God

my hands shake

my body aches

my ears hate

my life is a rake

of bad choices

Dear God

I dream 

I dream good

I dream bad

I dream always

I dream for me

for you

for him

for us

I dream so many dreams they collectively

bind me into non existence

I dream my life living

I dream my love begging

I dream my future changing

I dream my future

I dream my future today 

but didnt I dream today yesterday?

so am I no,t in a chain of unbroken dreams?

unchallenged visions of the present

spiralling down the loop of fathom....

somewhere between yesterday and tomorow

I am alive

but I am neither here or there

and I will never get there

for I live in shallow existence

on the boundary of never never land

by the fence of disorted territory

on the ground of solitary madness

on the toll of my actions

I

.........to be continued

I....fall into the zone of forever falling

I
feel like I'm falling from grace
all the embankments of paradise missing me
earths body acknowledges me ....but only as the forgetful
so it forgets me
justa bare whisper in its centuries of past and thousands of tommorow
I
am but a mere shadow, a slight wist of a brush
to try paint the core of my body onto yours
I
forget what its like to be good
to be agood person
to be a strong person
for I am diseased with utter weakness
madness
blackness
I fall and fall and fall
each zone encounters a paradox of time
one challenges me to forget dreams
dreams so hard to ignore
I cannot
I cannot stop looming through the zone of dreams
One cries for my sanity
the zone of tears for my...for me
I cannot look
I cannot cry
I cannot demand tears comecrashing
tears come dying
for my glistening failures
I fall
I continue to fall
the zone of peace
I hear existence
my existence
my small cell of atom survival
its here
I need to find it
I need to revive it
but I am falling so fast I cannot fight it
to stop
just stop
and breathe and look around
where are you?
what are you?
what do you exist for?
why can you not ?
why do you?
when can you stop?