fall, falling, for a new day

Fall in love, but let it feel right

fall in love, but do not fight

the way your heart says its wrong

Fall in love forever and a day

Fall in love and with love stay

fall in love but do not get hurt and  fall

fall in love and for love call

 but do not build a stressful wall

between your heart and mind

Fall in love when the time comes

but do not force the seconds to find the one

it will never fall in place

and you will race and race

in the wrong competition

lose everything

have nothing

Fall in love

today, tonight,

with yourself, your might

you are the one who deserves the love

breaking free from scents of your night flowers glowing amidst a winter freeze a tormenting breeze of cold and you are too bold to crush

your poisoned blush of mistakes

so dont let them grow

let forgiveness glow

fall in love and let it throw

a new cover to heal your love that is falling

to rebuild your power thats breaking

to master your talents that are dying

to recover your faith that is trying

to save you...............

lose the battle, but never the war

I keep apologing to everyone but there is really one peson i need to apologise to the most and I never have

ME

So much damage so much stress and pressure Im amazed at how my body, eyes, love still manage to survive

Ive never thanked myself/apologised or even considered the attention that my life really needs

I always take the bad

 Ialways take the stressful

I never show the helpful

the beautiful

and then i punish myself

never forgive myself

never thank myself

for letting me use those eyes that so many people wish to have

for letting me walk to here and there

when so many people dream of what I see simple

for letting me hear words sounds and tastes

when so many people have never heard my dictionary of sound

and yet I still imagine I am in the bottom scale

I still bring myself down

I still stop thanking myself 

pleasure turns to pain

beauty turns to ugliness

life turns to a job

making mistakes becomes routine

making mistakes never get forgiven

and so I build build fear and torment in my heart

until it explodes

the solution is not easy I know

but it is also not impossible

and it is not going to be solutions Ive tried and failed before

the solution is not going to be impossible

the solution is going to be mine

but it will take time

and forgiveness

and understanding from within me 

a meeting with myself

and most importantly when I can forgive myself

when I can believe that god will forgive me

then the devil and my weak soul cannot impose their imprisonment 

cannot impose their sanctions

for I have somewhere else to turn to

Starting again_No take aways, No cheese

NO TAKE AWAYS

NO CHEESE

i stoppped eating bread about a week ago - I admit I sometimes forget or buy a sandwich but i have not bought any - but I realised there are other things causing trouble and excuses dont work anymore

Samihni

Dear God 

I am sorry for what i have done

I know what it is

but I don't know how to fix it

I know that lying is not the answer

therefore I will not lie

but breaking down is not the answer either

and giving up is out of the question

I will not give up on your mercy and forgiveness for me

dear God

I will only give up on my past experiences 

I will only forget the past and open a new page

 Iwill only love today

I will only think of my future the one I can create and make

not the one out of my control

samihni.....

Please god, let me do the right thing

where is love? they ask themselves, I ask myself where is love?
suddenly I cannot hear it
I cannot feel it
I cannot touch it
Suddenly I am so lost it hurts
I am so afraid it is dramatic
I am so unhappy it is tormenting
when you make a mistake a big one
when you make something  that seeds lifeless hope
you become hopeless
suddenly I cannot imagine why I did
why I wrote
why I said
really what goes around comes around
Dear God
I did mistakes
Dear God I cannot lie
Dear God as much as I am bad I am a lot  lot good
Dear God I WILL not tell a lie
change the truth?
Dear God you were there
I messed up badly
Subhan Allah how I m still tormented
Dear GOd - I must accept your punishment but please God do not punish my parents as well
Dear God - Show me what to do
Dear God I do not want to do soemthing just because I am afraid
just because I am afraid
just because someone told me to
Dear God - i am sorry
you have given me all this education and I have thrown it away
Dear God am I like her?
Dear God can i live like this? or like that forever/
Dear God if it is meant to be let it happen
I am not afraid of your goodness upon me I am not afraid of what is good for me I am not afraid of what is right for me I am not afraid of what you have  in store for me I am not afraid of what you want for me you yyour dreams for me your opinions your actions your words I am not afraid Dear God of what you have written for me
I am only afraid if I reject it without knowing - if I miss it without seeing if I go past it without stopping If i take something else without knowing
Dear God i beg of you to never let me do that
only let me take what is right for me
No one in in the middle between your plans and I
Dear God do not let me think of things wrong
let me have a straight head
let me have a right mind
let me do the right thing
Dear God I know i missed doing the right thing a lot of times
let me do the right thing now
Please God let me do the right thing

cut.....sugar girls but you're made of bitter

I dream of love

the right kind

the wondeful mind of faith coming with dreams and engaging me

I dream of truth

honesty courage and youth

to hold me

i dream to never fall in traps

escpecially the ones designed by my own maps

falling and falling into the other side of disaster

I fall and fall faster winding and it only keeps getting darker

asking all the wrong things I did 

then I got afraid and I hid

a coward I know with all despair

Ive broken things I cannot repair

madness suddenly holds unto me

sadness becomes my only refugee

guilt becomes my losing war

there was so much to have so much in store

but always always I take - choose wrong

always always i am not strong

Girls they all want the same things

to fall in love , be loved, be happy , be respected

I didn't think of the consequences of my choices

I only thought of what I wanted 

I ignored all the warning voices

that here...Is not where you'll find things

This...is not how you find things

Girls they surrender, cry and hurt

they change their minds a million times

they scream at their lovers 

they love and love again

until it feels right 

until its certain its right

until its for sure correct

I wanted something out of a movie

something beautiful, something extraordinary

cut

you reap what you sow

what goes around comes around

you fool.....

impatient fool

i fear myself_broken note

I fear myself
tongue loud with fury
loud wih misery
unwise words
I fear myself
words unmeaning life
disconnecting purity
causing instability of soul
i fear myself


Suddenly I become useless depending on the expansion of my rotten seeds
suddenly all I can do is pray and pray and pray for God to make everything alright
I know  this is right but.....
I wish I had the ability to control

but i dont
all I have are my regrets and my inability to forget and my ability to ruin lives..........