Nagat was lonely

But she used faith to survive

What do i have

Non the wiser i am the modern lonely professor

Letting it seep and seep and rot me

Yet i do not have all the things she did

I only saw the last while

Spoilt she said to me

Maybe

Now i see i copied

Inspired by the wrong

But it can be hard

Whos right and where do lines merge

Tough i remember

Actions i would take and then hate

Do them but dont accept them

Its

Lonely

My world

Sitting here

So afraid of the future amidst people chatting away and me typing into this begging

Begging for my tears not to fall 

I surrender to my pain

Its so hard to pretend your strong

And i am wrong

In so many things

Too late

Its fate

To fail 

I surrender

To my pain 

Let it all rain

The acid 

The wishful thinking

The turmoil

Inside me

The inability to proceed

The thoughts i do not have

The ones i do i want to refund

Lonely

In every single

Letter

Lonely

Unableto become

Unable to break free

Unable to push through 

Unable to believe

Unable to imagine but rot

Unable

I surrender to my illness

Of loneliness

Its sad what ive become

I know losing my country has a role

Its like being told ur made of the wrong thing

I fit here and i dont

I hate it

All these fusion powers inside me cutting of like that nighttime darkness in khartoums blackness during those 3 hour  cuts. But sometimes it came back in 40 min and we were delighted

Fill the buckets it will cut again … now

My buckets remain empty like it and darkness has stayed forever